Bear News Beartown News

OCTOBER 1, 2010

HUMOR
DRINK  HEALTHY

Reasons for allowing drinking at work include:
  1. It's an incentive to show up.
  2. It reduces stress.
  3. It leads to more honest communications.
  4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
  5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
  6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

  7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
  8. It encourages carpooling.
  9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
  10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
  11. It makes fellow employees look better.
  12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
  13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

  14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
  15. No one will remember your strip act at the Christmas Party


 

REDNECK  CHURCH

You Know You're Church Is A Redneck Church...

IF the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
IF people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
WHEN the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

IF opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
IF a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

IF the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
WHEN in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

IF Baptism is referred to as "branding". IF high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
IF people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
IF the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

IF the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
IF the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

IF instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.
IF the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

IF the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill".
IF "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.

IF the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"



DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN


Email: dernc@sover.net


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