Bear News Beartown News

OCTOBER 1, 2008



Tax his land, 
Tax his bed, 
Tax the table 
At which he's fed. 
Tax his tractor, 
Tax his mule, 
Teach him taxes 
Are the rule. 

Tax his work, 
Tax his pay, 
He works for peanuts 
  Tax his cow, 
Tax his goat, 
Tax his pants, 
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties, 
Tax his shirt, 
Tax his work, 
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco, 
Tax his drink, 
Tax him if he 
Tries to think. 
Tax his cigars, 
Tax his beers, 
If he cries 
Tax his tears. 

Tax his car, 
Tax his gas, 
Find other ways 
To tax his ass. 
Tax all he has 
Then let him know 
That you won't be done 
Till he has no dough. 

When he screams and hollers; 
Then tax him some more, 
Tax him till 
He's good and sore. 
Then tax his coffin, 
Tax his grave, 
Tax the sod in 
Which he's laid. 

Put these words 
Upon his tomb, 
'Taxes drove me 
to my doom...' 
When he's gone, 
Do not relax, 
Its time to apply 
The inheritance tax.

Country/Western Songs

I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I've Woke Up With a Few
If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'
Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win
I'm So Miserable Without You - It's Like You're Still Here
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him
She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
She Gets Better Lookin'  with Every Beer
It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day



Ralph and Mary were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy morning.
 Ralph suddenly said,
'Mary, if I were to die suddenly, I want you to
 immediately sell all my stuff.'

Now why would you want me to do something like that?' Mary asked.

'I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff...

'What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?' 


"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."
"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00."



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