Bear News Beartown News

OCTOBER 1, 2001

HUMOR


CHIPMONK

I saw a little chipmonk
Sitting on a wall:
I had a little glimpse of him,
And that was all.

The chipmonk saw me coming,
The cunning little muff,
He had a little glimpse of me,
And that was enough.

LITTLE WOODCHUCKS

A woodchuck stole from his hole one day,
To find the place where the woodchucks play,
When another little woodchuck came that way
And chucked some wood where the woodchuck lay.

This woodchuck chuckled, and the wood chucked in,
Then he stopped and said, with a woodchuck grin,
"I would chuck in stones, and some grass would pull,
But this woodchuck's hole is of wood chuck full."

When the woodchuck found his hole chuck full
He began the hair from his head to pull.
"If I knew who that woodchuck was," he said,
"I would chuck that wood at that woodchuck's head."

But soon the little woodchuck lost his spite,
And he chuckled, and said. "T was a joke, all right;
If that little woodchuck can wood chuck in,
This woodchuck can wood chuck out again."


I'M A GOOD COOK!!!


DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN

GASTRONOMIC DELIGHTS

COW PIE

Ingredients: 1 mature cow, 20 pounds of hay, 15 pounds of grain, 30 gallons of water
Combine ingredients and allow nature to take its course!!!

COW CHIP COOKIES

No Baking
Ingredients: 1 baby calf, 3 pounds starter grain, 3 quarts water
Combine above ingredients and after mother nature calls allow to bake in warm sun.

NO FAIL MOON PIE

1 bovine, any size. Feed and water according to size. Yield may vary during full moon.

GRANDMA'S FAVORITE MEADOW MUFFINS

Mix the following:
1 cow in pasture with an unlimited supply of hay, grain and water
BE PREPARED as mother nature will be calling often and abundantly!!!

CHOCOLATE MOOOOOOS

Mix the following: 1 mature cow, 10 pounds of hay, lots and lots of water
Be prepared as mother will be calling and calling and calling.

EASY - COW PATTY PANCAKES

Combine the following: 1 yearling bovine, 10 pounds wild oats, 1 bale of hay
Mix completely in the PM for mooovelous pancakes in the AM.


THE OUTHOUSE

How well I remember that little house out back,
The walls were not airproof, and thank God for that.
In summer 'twas hot and in winter 'twas cold
But no matter the weather, the odor would hold.
The big hole was for adults, the small for us kids.
The box was too high and the holes were too big.
You had to be spry and you had to be fast
Or by the time you got settled, your notion had passed.
There was one roll of paper that was kept "way up high
We knew it was for when city folks came by.
Last year's Beartown News was our White Swan
We were lucky recycling had not yet come along.
I wonder about that half moon in the door
Can someone please tell me just what it was for
Besides letting in deerflies and big bumblebees
Half the time you ran out with your pants at your knees.
That's where my first cigarette of Zig Zag I smoked
I coughed and I sneezed and I gagged and I choked.
One day brother caught me and ratted to Mom
I'm telling you now, my rear end it was numb.
The vent in the roof was no great help you know
In the summer the swallows, in the winter the snow.
The out house was no picnic, but I know without fail,
It sure beat the heck out of the pot and the pail,
I guess the bidet really has it surpassed.
If those were the "Good Days" then what were bad,
But the old folks still tell of the good times they had.


Email: dernc@sover.net


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