humor7-01.htm

HUMOR

Boozy bear plunders campers' beer

A black bear went on a binge at a campsite in the US state of Washington - guzzling down some 36 cans of beer.
Campground workers were stunned to come across the bear sleeping off the effects in their grounds, surrounded by dozens of empty beer cans.
But this was no ordinary case of a bear with a sore head at Baker Lake resort, 80 miles (129km) northeast of Seattle.
He had apparently tried out and rejected the mass-market Busch beer in favor of local brand Rainier.
The bear appeared to have got into campers' cool boxes and used his teeth and claws to puncture the cans.
Beer trap
Fish and wildlife enforcement Sgt Bill Heinck said the bear tried one can of Busch and ignored the rest - then got stuck into three dozen cans of Rainier.
"We noticed a bear sleeping on the common lawn and wondered what was going on until we discovered that there were a lot of beer cans lying around," camp worker Lisa Broxson was quoted by Reuters news agency as saying.
She said the bear was chased away by wildlife agents, but returned the next day.
The agents decided to trap the bear with doughnuts, honey and, of course, two cans of Rainier beer. It did the trick and he was captured.

CAT CHASES BEAR UP A TREE

Perhaps not since the Cowardly Lion has an animal's appearance been so at odds with its attitude.
A black bear wandered into a West Milford, New Jersey, back yard, was confronted by a 15-pound (7-kilogram) tabby cat … and fled up a neighbor's tree. Hissing at the base of the tree, Jack the clawless cat kept the bear at bay for about 15 minutes, then ran him up another tree after an attempted escape.
Finally, Jack's owner, Donna Dickey, called the cat inside, and the timorous trespasser disappeared back into the woods.
"He doesn't want anybody in his yard," Dickey said of Jack in an interview with the Newark Star Ledger.
Unlike cats, bears aren't typically territorial, roaming instead over vast areas that would be impossible to patrol for intruders. With a habitat that includes much of North America, black bears are seen fairly often in this region of New Jersey.
Full-grown black bears weigh between 200 and 600 pounds (90 and 270 kilograms) and measure as much as 6 feet (1.8 meters) long. Their diets can include fruits, honey, insects, acorns and animals as big as moose calves—a fact apparently lost on Jack.

DOG FOOD FROM HOME

CHUCKEY, Tenn. --For all the frightening bear news in Tennessee in recent months, Rela Foshie didn't know what to do when a black bear she said had recently visited her back porch decided to let himself in on Thursday.
"It came in the back door," she said. "I don't know how it got the door opened, but it did. He was in the hallway where the dog food was."
Foshie ran to the bedroom of her home about 10 miles northeast of Greeneville, locked the door and grabbed her husband's rifle.
She called 911 and her husband, but the bear left by the time they showed up.
"I was done. I mean I was terrorized," said Foshie, who said she fired one round. "I didn't know how to use the gun and I shot wrong. If I'd shot straight, he'd have been dead already."
The bear was apparently attracted to food for the couple's six-month-old puppy, Buddy.
"He took the whole thing, the 50-pound bag of dog food and the plastic tub it was in, and dragged it though the backyard," she said. "That makes two bags. One last week and now one this week."
Foshie believes it was the same stubborn bear that snatched dog food off her porch last week.
"This bear, not this past Friday but the one before, I beat on a pan, making a lot of noise and squealing at it but it wouldn't move," she said. "You can't do nothing to scare this bear away because he's not listening to you."
State wildlife officials said DNA tests confirmed that a captured bear was the one responsible for killing a 6-year-old Ohio girl and injuring her mother and younger brother in April in Cherokee National Forest, about 130 miles southwest of Chuckey.

In Honor of Stupid People . . .
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer --
Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos --
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap --
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners --
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron --
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)

DID SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN

HOME	NEWS	MYSTERY
BOOKS	COUNTRY CORNER
LETTERS	ARCHIVES

Email: dernc@sover.net