Bear News Beartown News

JANUARY 1, 2006


Fun with the ACLU

 Wanna have some fun this CHRISTMAS?  Send the ACLU  a

 As they are working so very hard  to get rid of the CHRISTMAS part of this holiday  season, we should all send them a nice card to  brighten up
their dark, sad, little world.
Make sure it says
"Merry Christmas" on it.
Here's the Address, just don't be rude or  crude. (It's Not the Christian Way, ya know?)
125 Broad Street  
18th Floor  
New York, NY 10004

Two tons of Christmas cards would freeze their operations because they wouldn't know if any were regular mail containing contributions.  So spend 37
cents and tell the
ACLU to leave Christmas alone. Also tell them that there is no such thing as a
"Holiday Tree".  It's a Christmas Tree,
for goodness sake, ~ even in the fields!!


On a  transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is  awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is
struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she  stands up in the front of the plane.  "I'm too young to die," she wails.  Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my
last minutes on earth to  be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril.
They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then a  man from Texas stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome: tall, well  built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He
starts to walk slowly up the  aisle, unbuttoning his shirt ... One button at a time. .......No one  moves.
 .He removes his shirt.
..Muscles ripple across  his chest.
 ...She gasps...
.....He  whispers, ..
"Iron this - and then get me a beer"


 Our lager,
 Which art in barrels,
 Hallowed be thy drink,
 Thy will be drunk,
 (I will be drunk),
 At home as I am in the tavern.
 Give us this day our foamy head,
 And forgive us our spillages,
 As we forgive those who spill against us,
 and lead us not to incarceration,
 But deliver us from hangovers,
 For thine is the beer,
 The bitter and the lager,
 Forever and ever,



A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Basra when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.  
 On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in similar but less serious state.
The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.
 We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.
I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife, scumbag, and he yelled back that Senator Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk. So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean spirited woman!"

He retaliated by yelling,
"Oh yeah? Well so does Hillary Clinton!"
"And, there we were, standing in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."



Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
This site hosted by