A man went
to his dentist.
The dentist examined the problem and said, "The
upper plate I made for you is eroding. What have you been
The man replies, "All I can think of is about 5
months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff
on it. It was delicious Hollandaise Sauce. I loved it so
much I now put it on everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's the
problem. There is a lot of lemon juice in Hollandaise,
and its highly corrosive. It has eaten away your upper
plate. I'll make you another, and I will make it out of
"Why chrome?" asked the patient.
The dentist replied, "Everyone knows, 'There's no plate like chrome
for the Hollandaise.'"
READS YOUR MIND
Pick a number from 1 to 10.
2. Multiply it by 9.
3. Add the digits of your answer together.
4. Subtract 4.
5. Let that number represent a letter of the alphabet. (example:
A=1, B=2, C=3, etc.)
6. Pick an animal that starts with the letter.
7. Look at the bottom of the page to see what you picked!
newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers,
yelling, "Read all about it. Sixty-four people
swindled! Sixty-four people swindled!"
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked
the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's
nothing in here about sixty-four prople being swindled."
The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read
all about it. Sixty-five people swindled!"
A is for Ax, as you very well know.
B is for the Boys
that use them just so.
C is for the
Chopping that soon will begin,
And D is for the Danger
we always stand in.
E is for the Echoes that through the woods
F is for the Foreman,
the head of the gang,
G is for the
Grindstone that swiftly goes round,
And H is for the Handle
so smooth and so round.
I is for the Iron,
with which we mark pine,
And J is for the Jolly
Boys, all in a line.
K is for the Keen
edge our axes we keep,
And L is for the Lice
that over us creep.
M is for the Moss, that we chink into our
N is for the Needle
which mendeth our pants,
O is for the Owls
that hoot in the night,
And P is for the Pines
that we always fall right.
Q is for the Quarrels, which we don't have
R is for the River,
where we drive our logs down;
S is for Sled, so
stout and so strong,
And T is for Team to
draw it along.
U is for Use, which we put our teams to,
And V is the Valley
which we draw our sleds through,
And W is for Woods that
we leave in the spring,
And now I have sung all I'm going to sing.
HAPPY? NEW YEAR
Twas the month after New Year's, and all
through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
New Year to all and to all a good diet!
ANSWER TO "READ YOUR MIND"
You selected ELEPHANT