Bear News Beartown News

JANUARY 1, 2002



A man went to his dentist.
The dentist examined the problem and said, "The upper plate I made for you is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "All I can think of is about 5 months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it. It was delicious Hollandaise Sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's the problem. There is a lot of lemon juice in Hollandaise, and its highly corrosive. It has eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you another, and I will make it out of chrome."
"Why chrome?" asked the patient.
The dentist replied, "Everyone knows,
'There's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.'"


1. Pick a number from 1 to 10.
2. Multiply it by 9.
3. Add the digits of your answer together.
4. Subtract 4.
5. Let that number represent a letter of the alphabet. (example: A=1, B=2, C=3, etc.)
6. Pick an animal that starts with the letter.
7. Look at the bottom of the page to see what you picked!


The newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Sixty-four people swindled! Sixty-four people swindled!"
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about sixty-four prople being swindled."
The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read all about it.
Sixty-five people swindled!"



A is for Ax, as you very well know.
B is for the Boys that use them just so.
C is for the Chopping that soon will begin,
D is for the Danger we always stand in.

E is for the Echoes that through the woods ring;
F is for the Foreman, the head of the gang,
G is for the Grindstone that swiftly goes round,
H is for the Handle so smooth and so round.

I is for the Iron, with which we mark pine,
J is for the Jolly Boys, all in a line.
K is for the Keen edge our axes we keep,
L is for the Lice that over us creep.

M is for the Moss, that we chink into our camps,
N is for the Needle which mendeth our pants,
O is for the Owls that hoot in the night,
P is for the Pines that we always fall right.

Q is for the Quarrels, which we don't have round,
R is for the River, where we drive our logs down;
S is for Sled, so stout and so strong,
T is for Team to draw it along.

U is for Use, which we put our teams to,
V is the Valley which we draw our sleds through,
W is for Woods that we leave in the spring,
And now I have sung all I'm going to sing.


Twas the month after New Year's, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!


You selected ELEPHANT


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