Bear News Beartown News

JANUARY 1, 2001



The following short quiz consisits of four questions and tell you whether you are truly a "professional". The questions are not that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, put the giraffe in and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door.
Correct answer: Open the refigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refigerator. This tests your memory. Even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross, but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you get across?
Correct answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Beartown Consulting Worldwide, about 90% of the Professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Beartown Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most Professionals have the brains of a four-year old.

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

A college graduate arrived for the first day of work at his first job. The owner handed him a broom and said "Sweep the floor"
"I don't know about this." said the grad.
"Here I'll show you how." said the owner.



The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Horace Bending. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on Bending's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at Bending and leave.
The phone rings at Bending's house. "Hey, Horace, did the FBI come?"
"Did they split your firewood?"
"Great, now don't you forget to call them in April when I need my garden plowed."

Archibald, a Beartown farmer, had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. One day when he was out cutting wood, his wife brought lunch to him.
Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Archibald's old horse kicked up his hind legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.
At the wake, Archibald's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Archibald he would nod his head up and down, but when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Archibald and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?"
"Well," Archibald replied, "The women all said how nice she lookjed, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked,
"Is that horse for sale?"

The Boardmans were surprised at the nativity scenes the saw on their Christmas trip to Florida. The three wise men were always dressed with a fireman's helmet and rubber coat. When asking a local resident why this was done, they were told, "Well the bible says the wise men had come from "A FAR".


Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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