Bear News Beartown News
SEPTEMBER 1, 2004

THE COUNTRY CORNER

FRANCE

 
Eleven thousand soldiers
lay beneath the dirt and stone,
all buried on a distant land
so far away from home.
For just a strip of dismal beach
they paid a hero's price,
to save a foreign nation
they all made the sacrifice.

And now the shores of Normandy
are lined with blocks of white:
Americans who didn't turn
from someone else's plight.
Eleven thousand reasons
for the French to take our side,
but in the moment of our need,
they chose to run and hide.

Chirac said every war means loss,
perhaps for France that's true,
for they've lost every battle
since the days of Waterloo.
Without a soldier worth a damn
to be found within the region,
the French became the only land
to need a Foreign Legion.

You French all say we're arrogant.
Well hell, we've earned the right--
We saved your sorry nation
when you lacked the guts to fight.
But now you've made a big mistake,
and one that you'll regret;
you took sides with our enemies,
and that we won't forget.

It wasn't just our citizens
you spit on when you turned,
but every one of yours
who fell the day the towers burned.
You spit upon our soldiers,
on our pilots and Marines,
and now you'll get a little sense
of just what payback means.

So keep your Paris fashions
and your wine and your champagne,
and find some other market
that will buy your airplanes.
And try to find somebody else
to wear your French cologne,
for you're about to find out
what it means to stand alone.

You see, you need us far more
than we ever needed you.
America has better friends
who know how to be true.
I'd rather stand with warriors
who have the will and might,
than huddle in the dark
with those whose only flag is white.

I'll take the Brits, the Aussies,
the Israelis and the rest,
for when it comes to valor
we have seen that they're the best.
We'll count on one another
as we face a moment dire,
while you sit on the sideline
with a sign, "friendship for hire."

We'll win this war without you
and we'll total up the cost,
and take it from your foreign aid,
and then you'll feel the loss.
And when your nation starts to fall,
well Frenchie, you can spare us,
just call the Germans for a hand,
they know the way to Paris

 

IRELAND

Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. 'Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called 'Happy Hour' and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o'those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later.' And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said,
'Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to
step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.'

Indignantly, the man said,
'Why? Don't ye believe me?!?'

TEXAS

A Texan, a guy from Massachusetts, and a Vermonter are riding horses out on the range.
The Texan, just to show off, pulls an expensive bottle of whiskey out of his saddlebag, takes a couple drinks, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun, and shoots it in midair.  The guy from Massachusetts is shocked and asks,
"What are you doing? That's a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!"
The Texan replies,
"In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey. And bottles are cheap!"
A little while later, not wanting to be outdone, the guy from Massachusetts pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle into the air, pulls out his gun, and shoots it--just like the Texan.
The guy from Vermont can't believe it.
"What are you doing? That was a very expensive bottle of champagne." 
With a wink to the Texan he says,
"In Boston, there's plenty of champagne.  And bottles are cheap."
About 15 minutes later, the Vermonter pulls out a bottle of beer. He opens it and takes a sip. Then another sip. Then he chugs the rest of the bottle. Then places the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, and shoots the guy from Massachusetts.
The Texan is visibly shaken.
"What did you do that for?!?!"
The Vermonter replies,
"Well, in Vermont, we have plenty of people from Massachusetts. And bottles are returnable."


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ANYWHERE  USA

 

There is a new virus. The code name is 'WORK'

If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from
anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances.
This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to
come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks immediately and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your system.
Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends.
Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your life.  If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five friends.
Then retry.  I think I have five friends, but am not entirely positive so
I'm headed for the bar anyway.....it never hurts to be safe.


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