Bear News Beartown News



Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known family members are coming to the attention of American authorities.
Among the brothers:
Sooflay - the restauranteur
Guday - the half Australian brother
Huray - the sports fanatic
Sashay - the gay brother
Kuntay & Kintay - the twins of the African mother
Sayhay - the baseball player
Ojay - the stalker/murderer
Gulay - the singer/entertainer
Ebay - the internet Czar
Biliray - the country music star
Ecksray - the radioligist
Puray - the blender factory owner
Regay - the half Jamaican brother
Tupay - the one with bad hair
Among the sisters:
Lattay - the coffee shop owner
Bufay - the 300 pound sister
Dushay - the clean sister
Phayray - the zoo worker in the gorilla house
Sapheway - the grocery store owner
Ollay - half Mexican sister
Gudlay - the prostitute
And finally there is Oyvay, but the family doesn't like to talk about him much.


His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish  farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.
There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free
himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and  terrifying death.
The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly
dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.
"I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life.
"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied, waving off the offer.
At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.  "Is that your son?" the nobleman asked.
"Yes," the farmer replied proudly. "I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow
to be a man we both will be proud of."
And that he did.
Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, from St. Mary's Hospital
Medical School in London, and went to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.
Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia. What saved his life this time?    Penicillin.
The name of the nobleman?
Lord Randolph Churchill.
His son's name?
Sir Winston Churchill


There was an Arizona phone company that was going to hire one team of  telephone pole installers and the boss had to choose between a team of Italian guys and a team of Polish guys.
So the boss met with both teams and said
"Here's what we'll do.
Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job."
Both teams headed right out. At the end of the shift the
Italian guys came back and the boss asked them how many they
had installed, and they said that it was tough going, but they'd
put in twelve.
Forty-five minutes later, the
Polish guys came back in and they were totally exhausted. The boss said, "Well, how many poles did you guys install?" The team leader wiped his brow
and sighed,
"We got three in."
The boss gasped,
"Three? Those Italian guys put in twelve!"
"Yeah," said the Polish leader, "but you should see how much  they left sticking out of the ground."




Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
This site hosted by