Bear News Beartown News
SEPTEMBER 1, 2002

THE COUNTRY CORNER

FLORIDA

You live in Florida when...
 1. You eat dinner between 3:15 and 5:00 in the afternoon.
 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist or specialist.
 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
 5. Cars in front of you often seem driven by headless people.
 6. No one can speak English at your local convenience/gas store.
 7. Bikers provide the local 'culture'.
 8. Any existing Toyota Corolla made from 1978-1985 can be found only in this state and driven only by Florida's newest "native": The Haitian.
> 9. You can hire a new cleaning woman and  gardener while sunbathing at the beach by taking the names of a couple of passengers from the tire tube that just washed up on shore from one of the Caribbean Islands.
 

DEEP SOUTH

You live in the Deep South when...
 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
 2."Ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
 3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are Ya?"
 4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
 5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.
 6. The flag of our country is the 'stars 'n bars'!!!  "Ya'll"  have a
 problem?
 7. What Dawg?..."Ya'll" mean my pit bull...'Jake'?

3D Animated Flags
Courtesy of 3DFlags.com

CALIFORNIA

You live in California when...
 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
 2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
 3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
 4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
 5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
 6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

NEW YORK CITY

 You live in New York City when...
 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
 2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
 3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
 4. You think Central Park is "nature revisited"!
 5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
 6. You've worn out a car horn.
 7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

 

UPSTATE  NY

You live in upstate New York when...
 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
 3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with fewer than eight buttons.
 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
construction. ( I thought that this was upper New England)

 

COLORADO

 You live in Colorado when...
  1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at  the day care center.
 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


 

MIDWEST

 You live in the Midwest when...
 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

 

Email: dernc@sover.net


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