Bear News Beartown News



Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
Don't squat with your spurs on.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading, The few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it's really hot.


Bearded men pay a "goatee" tax
No eating peanuts in church
No tomatoes in clam chowder
Hotels must provide "bed 'n board" for a guest's horse (Boston)
Cannot wash an animal, vehicle, or shake a mat or carpet in any street
No ringing of church bells, or any other bells, on account of illness
Don't ride or drive your jackass or beast of burden at speeds greater than 7 miles per hour
It is now legal to own a dog larger than ten inches high
Only an officer of the law may spy on others (Quincy)
No swimming, or bathing in waters surrounding, or within the city, in view of any dwelling (Boston)
Every man must escort his family to church carrying a musket (Quincy)
May not sell buttermilk on Sunday (Springfield)
You can still graze your cow on the Boston Common
Before marrying, a man must kill six birds or three blackbirds (Truro)
No roller skating along any city street (Quincy)



Trick-or-treating during a blizzard
Three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup
Snow-blower gets stuck on roof
Shotgun is most effective mosquito repellent
10 favorite recipes for venison
Twice a year kitchen is a meat processing plant
Everyone from the city has an accent
Front door is three feet above the ground and no front steps
More money owed on snowmobile than car
More miles on snowblower than car
Knowing which leaves make good toilet paper
Trunk of car doubles as deep freezer
Clean grease from grill so bears won't visit
Main church fundraiser is sausage making
-20F is a little chilly
Feeding the animals and then the children


MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) - Police say an unidentified caller told them there was a jaywalker at Colonial Drive and Northfield Street in the center of town.
They went to the scene Saturday night and found the jaywalker, but they didn't arrest him. They chased him away.
The culprit was a small black bear.


A guest sees more in an hour than the host does in a year.
A man does with a maiden as he wills; with a widow as she wills.
An empty belly hears nobody.
Beauty will not season soup.
Before going to war say a prayer; before going to sea say two; before getting married say three.
Children, chickens, priests and women never say "Enough."
Do not trust a dog who sleeps, a Jew who swears, a drunkard who prays, or a woman who weeps.
Eaten bread is hard to earn.
Eat in Poland, drink in Hungary, sleep in Germany, and make love in Italy.
Even a saint sins at least seven times a day.
Every man has his louse.
He who loves is a slave; he who is loved is a master.
In these days, you must go to heaven to find an angel.
It is a foolish sheep that makes the wolf his confessor.
Marry a German woman, and she'll have a hairy tongue.
Only what a poor man eats and drinks is truly his.
Peace with a German is like a wolf and a sheep living together.
Rumour is a great traveller.
The best beer is where priests go to drink.
The greatest love is a mother's; then comes a dog's; then comes a sweetheart's.
The woman cries before the wedding; the man afterward.
Two cheeses and one German make three smells.
What could Adam have done to God that made Him put Eve in the Garden of Eden?
When I had money, everyone called me brother.
Worms eat even a sour apple.



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