Bear News Beartown News
SEPTEMBER 1, 2000

THE COUNTRY CORNER

WILD WEST

"We never did hang the wrong one but once or twice," said one judge. "And them fellers needed to be hung anyhow jes' on general principles."
"They make an ordinary fight look like a prayer meetin'."
"Thrusting my nose firmly between his teeth, I threw him heavily to the ground on top of me."

"There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer time and the poor get it in the winter time."
"This saloon's so bad, a rattlesnake'd be ashamed to meet his mother."
"Always carry your plug of tobacco in the pocket opposite your six-shooter so your enemies will know what you're reaching for."

"Laws sometimes sleep, but never die."
"He'd been in the desert so long, he knew all the lizards by their first names."
"The further up the creek you go the worse they get, an' I come from the head of it!"
"Never speak loudly unless your shanty is on fire."
"The six-shooter was judge, jury, and executioner."
"H was as dead as a can of corned beef."
"A man's a fool to drink. It takes away his money and his brains."
"Don't steal, cheat."
"Never mention "rope" in the home of a hanged man."
"You can't fall out of bed if you sleep on the floor."
"He had a ten dollar Stetson on a five-cent head."

JUST AN AVERAGE DAY

In one western town on just a single day they had two street fights, hung a man,rode three men out of town on a rail, got up a quarter race, a turkey shoot,a gander pulling, a dog fight,and preaching by a circuit rider who afterwards ran a foot race for apple jack all around. And if this was not enough, the judge of the court, after losing his year's salary at single-handed poker and whipping a person who he said did not understand the game, went out and helped lynch his grandfather for hog stealing.

DODGE CITY WHISKEY

The run-of-the-bar whiskey in Dodge City was terrible stuff. The price was ten cents a glass and the drinker poured. It was an insult not to fill the glass full, or to order something weaker than whiskey. Two or three glasses of this rot-gut was enough to make a man steal his own blankets.

WHAT BRAND?

In the early days of the West, cattle brands were frequently altered by cattle thieves. One cowboy, branded his cattle "B4". When he went to round up his cattle, they were all marked "B4U", and claimed by a nearby spread. The cowboy got even by branding every cow on the range "B4U2".

BOSTON ENGLISH

"Ahftah the Bawhston Tea Potty, the Waw of Independence stotted and Ameriker was bawn."
"Is Bawhston the only place in Ameriker wheyah propuh English is spoken?"
"Eighteenth-century drawerings? Ahn't they a bit nouveau for our awt museum?"
"Aim the dots at the dotbawd."
"Of course, Ben Franklin was an impawtant man. He was bawn in Bawhston."
"The Bawhston Tea Potty was a wawning to the British."
"The lantons of the old Nawth Church bunned in the dock to alert the Minutemen."
"And then Paul Revere rode out to sound the alahm."
"I ottered crackuhs with my cuppachowdah."
"No doubt the Pilgrims wuhdah stahved without cawn."
"Yes, it's hod to know if the streets or the buildings came fust in Bawhston; but anyone who was bawn heyah knows."
"Such the records. My ancestahs didn't just sail on the Mayflowah; they built it."

IRELAND

O'Shaugnessy, the storekeeper, purchased a tub of freshly butter from Mrs. Quinn, who owned three cows. He weighed it carefully, and then turned to the woman, his face grim.
"Mrs. Quinn, you told me the butter weighs nine pounds. My scales show it to weigh only seven. Tis sorry I am to say this, but you cheated me."
"Chated ye, did I, ye spalpeen?" cried Mrs. Quinn in a furious voice. :I'll have ye know I weighed that butther aginst the nine pounds iv soap ye sowld me last week!"

THE POTATO

Sublime potatoes! that, from Antrim's shore
To famous Kerry, from the poor man's shore;
Agreeing well with every place and state-
The peasant's noggin, or the rich man's plate.
Much prized when smoking from the teeming pot,
Or in turf-embers roasted crisp and hot.
Welcome, although you be our only dish;
Welcome, companion to the flesh, fowl, or fish;
But to the real gourmands, the learned few,
Most welcome, steaming in an Irish stew.

ARMED FOR PEACE

In 1492, an argument (the reason for which has long been forgotten) broke out between the Earl of Ormonde and the Earl of Kildare inside St. Patrick's Cathedral. Faced with superior numbers, the Earl of Ormond and his men retreated to the Dublin cathedral's nearby chapter house, a small building where the church's clergy met to talk after morning mass. Once safetly inside, Ormond had the thick oaken door slammed shut.
Luckily, a peaceful settlement was eventually worked out. But the inside earl still wasn't sure if he could trust the outside earl. So, as a tentative step toward reconciliation, a hole was chopped in the door so the two could shake hands. The first man to take the chance and extend his arm through the hole was the Earl of Kildare. After this bit of bravery, Ormonde relented and grabbed the other's hand for a vigorous pumping. The earls then became allies.

The incident led to the often-used English phrase "chancing one's arm" meaning "to take a chance on the unknown." By the way, the axe-hole can still be seen in the door.

ITALY

A wealthy American art collector came across a newly discovered Old Master in Italy and secretly bought it. Knowing that the Italian government would not allow a picture of this value to be taken out of the country, he thought up an ingenious way of smuggling it out. He hired a novice Italian painter to painta modern landscape over the old Master, knowing that this could be removed by a new process when the canvas arrived in New York. The plan worked successfully, and the collector took the painting to a well-known restorer to have the superimposed painting removed. A week later he received the following note from the restorer:
"Have removed landscape, also Old Master, and am now down to portrait of Mussolini. When do you want me to stop?"

A woman was taking her first trip to Italy. She was delighted with everything aboard the ship except that, in the dining salon, she was seated at a table with women only. On the second day out, meeting the captain, she murmered, "Everything about your ship is lovely, except that I'm at a table with nothing but women. Would it be possible to put me at a table with some nice bachelors?"
"Certainly, madam." the captain replied gravely.
That evening, looking her prettiest, she swept into diner to find that the captain had been true to his word: at her new table she was greeted by six smiling priests!

CHEESE

Italy has many cheeses besides the well known Parmesan, Romano, and Provolone. Plastic-curd cheeses are: Caciocavallo, Provoletti, Panedda, Pera di vacca, Casigiolu, Moliterno, Provole, Provatura, Scamorze, Mozzarella, Manteca, and Trecce.
Swiss type are: Sbrinz, Spalen, Fribourg, Battelmatt, Montasio, Fontina, Bitto, and Urseren.
Blue type cheeses are: Gorgonzola, Gex, Pannarone, Sassenage, Septmoncel, and Moncenisio.
Soft cheeses are: Bel Paese, Crescenza, Cacio fiore, Raviggiolo, Robbiole, Robbiolini, Reblochon, Mascarpone, Formagelle, Formagio crema, Mont d'Or, Montpellier, Milano, Quartirolo, and Bernarde.
Pecorino indicates sheep's milk, Caprino, goat's milk, and Vacchino, cow's milk.
Maggengo type cheeses are made between April and September. Quartirolo from September to November, Terzolo and Invernengo are cheeses made in winter.

 

Email: dernc@sover.net


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