Bear News Beartown News
AUGUST 1, 2004



Bubba was from Alabama and was a hard-shell Southern
Baptist. He loved to sneak away to the racetrack.
One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing his shirt when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse, a very long shot -- won the race.
Bubba was most interested to see what the priest did the next race.
Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses for the fifth race lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.
Bubba made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.
Bubba collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, Bubba bet on it, and it won! Bubba was elated!
As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Bubba began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses.
Bubba bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!"
The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites."


Three Marines were driving up the highway between Basra and Baghdad when they came upon an Iraqi insurgent who was badly injured and unconscious.
On the opposite side of the road was an injured American soldier who was semiconscious.
As the Marines gave both men first aid they asked what had happened.
The American soldier said, "I was moving north along the highway when I ran into this guy. We pointed our guns at each other and I said,
Hussein is an &^>)#%@.'
Then he yelled, 'George Bush is an &^<)#%@.' We
were standing there shaking hands when a truck hit us."


A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "why don't you rest a
moment, and I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man.
"My father wouldn't like it."
"Don't be silly," the minister said.
"Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."
Again the young man protested that his father would be upset.
Losing his patience, the
clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"
"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load of hay."



Today is my daughter's 18th birthday .......
I'm so glad that this is my last child support payment. Month after month, year after year, those damn payments!
I called my baby girl to come over to my house, and when she got there, I said to her, "Baby girl, I want you to take this last check over to your momma's house; you tell her that this is the last check she's ever going to get from me, then I want you to come back here and tell me the expression she had on her face."
So my baby girl took the check over to her. I was so anxious to hear what the *^#(>+@ had to say and what she looked like.
As my baby girl walked though the door, I said, "Well now .... what
did your momma have to say?"

"She told me to tell you, that you ain't my daddy."


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