Bear News Beartown News
AUGUST 1, 2002




A city boy named Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied,
"Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said,
"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said,
"OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked,
"What ya goanna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."

" You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked,
"What happened with that dead donkey?"
"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."
"Didn't anyone complain?"
" Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.

3D Animated Flags
Courtesy of



A couple of old cowboys (Sam and Bubba) were sitting in a bar having a drink (or two or three) , doing what most old cowboys do; complaining about the heat, the
cows and their wives.
They weren't exactly the brightest guys, and neither were their comments. Every day they said pretty much the same thing.
And it always ended in a debate  over who had the worst wife.
Today though something was different. There was a wise
looking elderly Indian Chief sitting at the bar. They decided to ask him to decide, who had the worst wife.
The first man (Sam) complained that his wife was always arguing with him. No matter what he said, she always said the opposite. She didn't just say it either, she said it so loud that the neighbors complained.
The old Chief listened attentively and then said,
"If your wife was Indian, we would name her Fire-Water."
Sam asked
"Why would you call her Fire-Water?"
The Indian Chief replied,
"Every time she opens her mouth she breathes fire and your knees turn to water."
The second man (Bubba) said
"My wife is so bad that we haven't hadn't had physical relations in darn near twenty years."
The chief again listened attentively and pronounced Bubba's wife as
When Bubba asked why, the chief replied,
"If you try to touch her while she is sleeping, she will become a dragon and bite your head off."
Sam and Bubba had a good laugh over their wives new names. Then Sam asked,
"Okay, them Indian names are pretty cool, but.... Who has the worst wife?"
The chief replied,
"I do."
Bubba asked what the chiefs wife name was.
The chief replied something along the lines of
"Whumpo Havo Noja"
Both Sam and Bubba looked very confused, and so the chief  explained,
"That's my wife's Indian name, it translates in English to "Three-Old-Horses."
More puzzled than ever before Bubba asked,
"Yeah, but what does it (Three-Old-Horses) mean?
The chief sighed, took a sip of his beer and said ,
"Nag, Nag, Nag."


It isn't widely known, but the first toilet seat was invented by a Polish scientist in the 18th century.
The invention was  later modified in the 19th century by a Jewish inventor who added a hole in the center.


Two Arabs boarded a flight out of New York after a hockey game. One sat in the window seat and the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an American got on and took the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said,
"I think I'll get up and get a beer."
"No problem," said the American, "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, one of the Arabs picked up the American's shoe and spit in it. When he returned with the beer, the other Arab said,
"That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
Again, the American obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other Arab picked up the other shoe and spit in it.
When the American returned to his seat, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet into his shoes
and knew immediately what had happened.
"WHY does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long
must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes, and peeing in




Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
This site hosted by