Bear News Beartown News
AUGUST 1, 2000



Haying and a Sudden Storm

There are black-bear clouds stretching toward this way and some ten acres of alfalfa hay are threatened by the storm. Sun-dried hay in windrows is sure a day's work done, but a low black sky is true telling no dinner bell will strike 'til long after dark: There's hay to make and store away.

Nature seems to rally forth with games to play when men have worn a long hot sun and talk of calling "what is done" a day. The setting sun turns farmers toward their homes, but the mellow echoes of a storm drumming to the west on the grey hides of evenings mountain-sides will keep some men to task: There's hay to make and store away and storms tumble on this valley fast.

A horse whinnies, breathing hard again and its urgent call brings neighbors to join the race. Sudden rain has challenged them before: There's hay to make and store away. Sometimes it's the rhythm of good neighbors that tells the worth of another's hay.

Spread-the-Work Program

Instead of concentrating work into eight hours, farm work is spread through sixteen hours and you can have the rest of the day to yourself.

(Attention Flatlanders)

Cows do not "give" milk! You have to forcibly take it from them!

A Trip to Town

While on the way to town one morning a farmer and his wife passed a lake. The wife, conscious of their frequent quarrels and spats, said, "Pa, look over yonder at that goose and gander a-gliding along the water so nice and peaceful. Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could live so peaceable?"
Long married Pa drove on in silence.
Just before sunset the couple passed the same lake on their way home. There, silhouetted by the setting sun, were a goose and gander gliding along the water. "Pa," said the wife, "look at the goose and gander, still real peaceable. Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could live like that?"
"Ma," said the farmer, "if you look a little closer, you'll notice that ain't the same gander!"


I may not be a beauty with my large and whiskered snout
But the fishermen of Newfoundland will always seek me out
As willingly they bend their backs and set about their toil
To bring a catch of codfish to make cod liver oil.

Two Newfoundlanders were walking along a beach. One covers his eyes and moans, "It's so sad"
"What is?" asks the other.
"Oh, I know it's normal and natural, but it still upsets me."
"What's normal and natural? And what upsets you?" asks the other Newfoundlander.
"Oh," sobs the first Newfoundlander, "It's just a dead seagull."
The second Newfoundlander looks up into the sky. "Where? Where? Where?"

Did you hear about the tragic Christening that took place in Newfoundland last month?
They had to hit the child four times before the champagne bottle finally broke.

What is black and blue and floats in the Bay?
A mainlander who tells Newfie jokes!

How do you sink a Canadian submarine?
Knock on the door.



A couple of sailors laying over for a few days in Sweden decided to go to church. Knowing no Swedish they figured to play safe by doing whatever a dignified-looking gentleman sitting in front of them did.
During the service the pastor made a special announcement of some kind, and the man in front of them rose. The two sailors quickly got to their feet, too - only to be met by roars of laughter from the whole congregation.

When the service was over and they were greeted by the pastor at the door, they discovered he spoke English and naturally asked what the cause of the merriment had been. "Oh," said the pastor "I was announcing a baptism and asked the father of the child to stand."


English: See me A. S. A. P. Chinese: Kum Hia Nao
E: Stupid Man
C: Dum Gai

E: Small Horse
C: Tai Ni Po Ni
E: Did you go to the beach?
C: Wai Yu So Tan?
E: I bumped into a table.
C: Ai Bang Mai Ni
E: You need a facelift
C: Chin Tu Fat
E: It's very dark in here.
C: Wai So Dim?
E: Has your flight been delayed?
C: Hao Long Wei Ting?
E: I thought you were on a diet?
C: Wai Yu Mun Ching?
E: This is a tow away zone.
C: No Pah King

E: You are not very bright.
C: Yu So Dum
E: I got this for free.
C: Ai No Pei
E: Are you harboring a fugitive?
C: Hu Yu Hai Ding?
E: I am not guilty.
C: Wai Hang Mi?
E: They have arrived.
C: Hai Dei Kum


In August every year an Arizona church puts this sign on its bulletin board: YOU THINK IT'S HOT HERE?


(low countries)

The Dutch have made significant contributions to boating safety in their tiny country by draining coastal areas long favored by Netherlands yachtmen and converting them to farmland. The fleets of little mudtfrigjates scudding through the fields of ripening turnips and Brussels sprouts are a peculiar but colorful sight, and although some complain that the swish of plant tops along the hull and the squelch of rubber tires in mud are no substitute for the slap of waves and the tang of salt, there is no denying that the unfortunate sailor who capsizes is better off in Davy Jones's larder than in his locker! It is hard to get lost at ZEE.



Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
This site hosted by