Bear News Beartown News
JULY 1, 2006



A BRITISH Breakthrough

A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.
This is a major breakthrough as women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.


Daniel Boone began to explore Kentucky on this day, June 7, 1769. Six years later he brought the first settlers to Kentucky, founding the fort of Boonesboro. He was captured by the Shawnee Indians and taken to Detroit. There he learned the British had incited an Indian attack on the settlement.
He escaped and his warning saved the town. As to his faith, Boone wrote to his wife: “The religion I have is to love and fear God, believe in Jesus Christ, do all the good to my neighbor, and myself that I can... and trust on God’s mercy for the rest.”


Join the Beartown Bears for exciting exercise. Just click on the link below.  After you have had fun exercising the bears, don't forget to click back and enjoy more of Beartown News!


If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.


Amid all the easily loved darlings of Charlie Brown's circle, obstreperous Lucy holds a special place in my heart. She fusses and fumes and she carps and complains. That's because Lucy cares. And it's the caring that counts.


When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.



The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled 'You Can Be the Man of Your House.'
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly,
"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law!
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will make love the way I want.
After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Then you will massage my feet and hands.
Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied,
"The  funeral director would be my guess."

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

 How to install a wireless security system:

Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work
boots ... a really big pair. Put them outside your front
door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog
dish beside it ... a really big dish. Leave a note on your
front door that says something like this:
"Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition -
back in 30 minutes. Don't disturb the pit bulls, they've
just been wormed."


Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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