Bear News Beartown News
JULY 1, 2005



Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking
up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six
and walked away. Junior shook his head and laughed.
"Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"


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Pedro was trying to get into the U.S. legally through immigration.
The officer said "Pedro, you have passed all the tests, except
there is one more test. Unless you pass it, you cannot enter the U.S."

Pedro said, "I am ready."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words yellow, pink
and green."

Pedro thought for a few minutes and said "Mister Officer, I am ready."
The officer said "Go ahead."
Pedro said "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up and say Yellow, thees is Pedro."
Needless to say, Pedro now lives in a neighborhood near you.




On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men  & 1 Italian woman.
2 French men & 1 French woman.
2 German men & 1 German woman.
2 Greek men & 1 Greek woman.
2 British men & 1 British woman.
2 Bulgarian men & 1 Bulgarian woman.
2 Japanese men & 1 Japanese woman.
2 Irish men & 1 Irish woman.
2 American men & 1 American woman.
One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the  middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
-One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman...
-The two French men and the French woman are living happily together  in a  menage a trois.
-The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
-The two Greek men are sleeping together and the Greek woman is  cooking and cleaning for them.
-The two British men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the British woman.
-The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.
-The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
-The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and setup a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it  gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they're satisfied because the English aren't having any fun.
-The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American  woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true  nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of  household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last  boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems,  and why didn't they bring a damn cell phone so they could call 911 and get  them all rescued off this Godforsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping.....


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