JUNE 1, 2009
THE COUNTRY CORNER
YOU MAY BE A FARMER IF
- Your dog rides in the truck
more than your wife
- You convince your wife that
an overnight, out of town trip
for equipment parts is a vacation
- You wear specific hats to
farm sales, livestock auctions,
customer appreciation suppers, and
- You have ever had to wash
off in the back yard with a garden
hose before your wife would let
you in the house
- You've never thrown away a
5 gallon bucket
have used baling twine
to attach a license plate
- You have used a chain saw
to remodel your house
- You can remember the
fertilizer rate, seed
population, herbicide rate and
yields on a farm you rented 10
years ago, but cannot recall your
- You have fibbed to a
mechanic about how often you
greased a peace of equipment
- You have driven off the
road while examining your
- You have borrowed gravel
from the county road to fill
potholes in your driveway
- You have buried a dog and
cried like a baby
- You have used a tractor front-end
loader as scaffolding for roof repairs
- You've used the same knife to make bull
calves steers, and peel apples.
- You wave at every vehicle whether you
know them or not.
- You always look when a vehicle passes
your house, even at night.
- You have used something other than
paper as a toilet tissue.
- You refer to farms by who owned them 50
or more years ago
- You give directions to your farm by
using area landmarks, not road numbers
- Your wife agrees to observe Mothers'
Day after the beans are planted
- You have animals living in buildings
more expensive than your house
- Over 50% of your clothing came from
feed or seed dealers
- Family weddings and special events are
planned around spring planting and fall
- You've been stopped by the police for a
- The rusted out areas of your truck are
sealed off with old T-shirts
- You know checkoff is not a Russian
- Your family instantly becomes silent
when the weather comes on the news
- You pick up all the free stuff at the
- You'll skip your cousin's funeral for the first day of deer season.
- You can eat an ear of sweet corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds.
- You don't bother to clean up the dog's mess because it's just fertilizer, and the dog knows to stay out of your way.
- You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays before the Sunday drivers come out.
- It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across town.
- You can tell the difference between the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feed lot.
- The meaning of true love is that you'll ride in the tractor with him.
- You consider a building a mall if it's bigger than the local Wal-Mart.
- Your husband drives a friend home from the bar when he only lives 3 houses away.
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Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All
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