LONDON (AFP) - Britain is suffering a sense
of humour failure, with laughter levels
three times lower now than 50 years ago
and nearly half of all adults unable to
enjoy at least one big guffaw a day,
Money worries, relationship woes and even
political concerns were among the reasons
given for the collection of grim faces,
according to the data, collected for the
cruise company Ocean Village.
"Laughter is an essential ingredient of a
healthy, happy life and is one of the most
effective and immediate antidotes to stress
and tension -- it really is the best
said Amanda Bate from Ocean Village.
"The findings of this study show a worrying
trend towards glumness. In the 1950s we
laughed for an average of 18 minutes daily
but this has dropped to just six minutes per
Morning misery is rife,
with almost half of Britons -- some 45
percent -- admitting they frequently
wallowed in gloom
Around 16 million adults, totalling 40
percent, said they failed to muster even one
proper belly laugh
in an average day.
not all sulking
and moodiness, however, as the research
found that single women aged 18 to 24 in the
northern city of Manchester were the
happiest people in the country.
In addition, Bristol, in western England,
was named the most cheerful place for
couples aged 25 to 34.
Factors such as weather, time of day and
age, were all cited as being able to spark
July and August were the happiest months of
according to three out of four people
January the most miserable.
The study was carried out by ICM Research on
behalf of Ocean Village who interviewed a
random selection of 1,000 adults aged 18 or
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New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was
told the loan would be granted if he could prove
satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as
collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803,
which took the lawyer three months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the
"Upon review of
your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we
note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title.
While we compliment the able manner in which you have
prepared and presented the application, we must point out
that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral
property back to 1803. Before final approval can be
accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows
regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note
that you wish to have title extended further than the 194
years covered by the present application. I was unaware that
any educated person in this country, particularly those
working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana
was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of
origin identified in our application. For the edification of
uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to
U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired
it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the
possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year
1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had
been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India
by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella,
being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as
the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the
Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus'
expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the
emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is
commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe
it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the
world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner
of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning
of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you
find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we
have our damn loan?"
The loan was
MOVING to CALIFORNIA
was sitting in an airplane when another fellow took a seat beside him.
The new guy was an absolute wreck.... pale, hands shaking, biting his
nails and moaning in fear.
"Hey pal, what's the
"Oh man.... I've been transferred to
the other guy answered.
"There's crazy people in California.... and they have shootings, gangs,
race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate...."
"I've lived in California
all my life and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go
to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and
it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The other passenger relaxed and
stopped shaking for a moment and said,
"Oh, thank you. I've been worried to
death but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it.
What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a door gunner on a
bread truck in Oakland."
RUSSIAN CONDOM SHORTAGE
George Bush received a call from Russian President Putin. He says to
Bush, "Our largest condom factory has exploded. My
people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"
"Mr. Putin, the
American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help
you," replied President Bush.
"I do need your help," said Putin.
"Could you send 1,000,000 condoms
ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll
get right on it," said Bush.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?"
said Putin. "Yes?" said Bush.
"Could the condoms be red in color and at least
10" long and 2" in diameter?" said Putin.
"No problem," replied the President. Mr.
Putin hung up and started
laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for
George Bush hung up and called the CEO of a condom company.
"I need a
favor. Can you send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia?"
"Consider it done," replied the CEO of the
condom company. "Good! Now
listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 2" in diameter."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said the President,
"Print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE: SMALL' on each