Bear News Beartown News
JUNE 1, 2003




Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor.
"Vacation" means going to Brainerd for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours. You know several people who
have hit deer more than once.

You often switch from "heat" to
"a/c" in the same day.

You use a down comforter in the summer.
Your grandparents drive 65 mph through 3 feet of snow during a
blizzard, without flinching.

You see people wearing hunting
clothes to social events.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
doors unlocked.

You think of the major food groups as venison, walleye, and

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how
to use them.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the grocery store at any given time.
You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snow suit. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel p.j.'s.
You know all four seasons; almost winter, winter, still winter
and road construction
It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop to talk to everyone in town.


The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it.
Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm  milk.
When she walked back to Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her  lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns asked in earnest, "Please give us some wisdom before  you  die."
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said,
"Don't  sell that cow."

An Irishman ia a guy who:
Believes everything he can't see, and nothing he can.
Has such great respect for the truth, he only uses it in emergencies.
Can lick any man in the house he is sole occupant of.
Believes salvation can be achieved by means of a weekly envelope.
Is a very perverse, complex person.  That's what make him lovable.  He banks heavily that God has a sense of humor.

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The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time
to present the present.

At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind up the sail.

After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when
going through the bough on a tree!



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