Bear News Beartown News
MAY 1, 2001


Puerto Rico

The increasing number of American tourists with little or no knowledge of the Spanish language who visit Puerto Rico has prompted the Department of Tourism to request a San Juan furniture store to change its window display. The window contains a selection of comfortable-looking beds with a sign: "SIN PRONTO."
Many of the visitors failed to realize that this is a Spanish colloquialism for "no down payment."


The Irish have captured the world's imagination, and the game of interpreting them has been going on for centuries, often with doubtful results.

O'Hara the butcher was telling some trade secrets to his new appentice. "If somebody comes in and wants to know the price of a leg o'mutton, you say 'five pounds.' Watch them very carefully. If they don't wince, at least like Mrs. Mulligan always does, you can say, 'and seventy-five pence.' If they still don't twitch, you can say, 'each one!'"

For SHE'S a great big stout strong lump
of an agricultural Irish girl,
She never paints nor powders
and her figure's all her own
For she can strike so hard
you would think you were hit by the kick of a mule
The full of the house of Irish love,
is Mary Ann Malone.


A Texan who saw Niagra Falls described it as "Water flowing like champagne."

At a gas station in a small Texas town an old man sat dejectedly watching the cars go by. A visiting Vermonter remarked that everything looked so dry and asked when it had last rained.
"'Bout three years ago, I recon." said the old man.
"That must be very hard on the ranchers around here." the Vermonter remarked sympathetically.
The elderly man slowly and sadly shook his head. "Don't know what's to become of us. We've spent thousands drilling for water, and what comes up?

Two Texas oilmen walked into a Cadillac showroom in Dallas and one of them asked a salesman, "How much is that de luxe model?"
"Forty-two thousand dollars."
"I'll take it." the Texan said and began to peel thousand-dollar bills from a bulky roll.
His friend whipped out his wallet. "Oh, no you don't," he said.
"After all, you just bought lunch!"

On a train in Texas, a soldier, homesick for the bustle of New York City, turnred to his seat mate and exclaimed disgustedly, "Texas! You can have it."
A rabid Texan she promptly told him at great length about the beauty of the plains, the wild flowers, the rivers and lakes. To clinch her case she pointed to the beautiful scenery outside the window.
"I'll admit it's laid out pretty," he said.
"How long's it been dead?"

Hungarian Proverbs

Adam ate the apple, and our teeth still ache.
A man well mounted is always proud.
An old maid is an unopened letter.
An ox remains an ox, even when driven to Vienna.
A prudent man does not make a goat his gardener.
Bargain like a gypsy, but pay like a gentleman.
Better the blows of a friend, than the false kisses of an enemy.
He that pays last never pays twice.
He who is slow to anger is longer getting over it.
Honest men grow gray; others grow bald.
I wept when I was born, and every day shows why.
Opportunity makes the thief.
She that thinks too much of her virtues, invites others to tend to her vices.
The noisiest drum has nothing in it but air.
The tongue breaks bone though it has none.
The wife of a careless man is almost a widow.
When you lend to your friend, you may have to ask payment of a new enemy.




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