Bear News Beartown News
APRIL 1, 2005



A Pakistani arrives in New York City. All excited, he stops the first  person he meets.  "Good day, Mr. American, thank you to accept  me in  your nice country, and..." The person interrupts and says: "I  am not  American, I'm Chinese ".
The Pakistani continues on his way and meets  another passer-by:
 "Thank you Mr. American for to let my family and me stay  here..."
Again, he is interrupted before finishing his sentence:
"I no  be American, I be Turk!"
The Pakistani continues on his way and meets  another passer-by: 
"Mr. American, me thank you for hospitality you give..."  "But my friend, don't you see that I am black? I am African, not  American"
"But", answers the Pakistani distressed, "where are the  Americans??"
The African looking at his watch and says:
"Oh, they all be  workin' 'til  five o'clock"


    As soon as she had finished parochial school, a bright young girl named Katherine shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business.
    Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. In the confessional
Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant.
    She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage.
    She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of
Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and back flips. Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other:  "Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on!"





Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking in the woods, all of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and then he listened very closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about. Was the other Indian crazy or what?
"No," said the Indian. "It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they call 'Wooooo Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."
Just then they saw another cave. the Indian ran up to the opening of the cave, stopped, and hollered, "
Woooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was an answering "Wooooo!Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave. He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then he came upon a great big cave. As he looked in, he was amazed at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Oh, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!"
He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might "
Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and closed his eyes in anticipation, and then he heard the answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read.....






Once upon a time, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.  He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds--
Look, Michael,  Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said,
"What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth.
"For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be
extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said,
"What's that one?"
"Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests,
hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats,
and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed,
"What about balance, God? You said there would be balance."
God smiled,
"There is another Washington...wait until you see the idiots I put there."


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