Bear News Beartown News
APRIL 1, 2002

THE COUNTRY CORNER

MEXICO

MEXICAN MILLIONAIRE

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery.
With his newfound wealth, he decides on exactly what he will buy. He buys a 20 acre plot of land in Mexico and hires an architect.
"I want mi casa to be built right there, with big columns in front, and a marble foyer, and at the end of the hall I want a halo statue." The architect, excited about making mega bucks off this man, jots down exactly what the Mexican wants, "I'll do it sir, I'll make this a fine house for you!"
All the plans are made and the architect starts construction. He searches six different countries to find exquisite columns for the front of the house and has marble shipped in from France to line the foyer.
The only problem he has is that he cannot locate a halo statue. Knowing that religious symbols are important to many Mexicans, he continues to search high and low for month after month. The house is finally complete, but alas, the architect was never able to locate a halo statue.
Swallowing his pride for not being able to complete the order, he takes the Mexican to see his new home.
"Si Senor!" exclaims the Mexican. "You got da columns in front of mi casa!" The architect smiles. They enter the house and the Mexican notices the marble floor. "Wonderful! I love mi new marble floor Senor!" states the Mexican as he wanders down the hall. He reaches the end of the hall and looks puzzled.
"Senor? Where is my halo statue?" asks the Mexican.
"Well, sir, I'm afraid to have to tell you this, but I searched high and low and just could not for the life of me figure out what a halo statue is, much less find one for you anywhere," says the architect, hanging his head in shame.
"What? You don't know what a halo statue is?"
"No, sir, I'm sorry, I do not know," replies the architect.
"You know," says the Mexican, "it's that thing that goes 'ringy dingy' and you pick it up and say, 'halo? statue?"

Matched Mexican Luggage

"Shopping bags from the same supermarket"

Mexican Invention

The waterless shower.

Bad Accident

Nine people were injured in a Mexican apartment. The bed broke.

3D Animated Flags
Courtesy of 3DFlags.com

NORTH CAROLINA
 

THE LAWYER

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

 
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine. This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

 

AMERICAN COURT QUOTES


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
 
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
 
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
 
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
 
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
 
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
 
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice that I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
 
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?

 

 

Email: dernc@sover.net


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