Bear News Beartown News
APRIL 1, 2001



After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
Brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
Brother who worked at a convenience store - Stopn Gogh
Grandfather fron Yugoslavia - U Gogh
Brother who bleached his clothes white - Hue Gogh
Cousin fron Illinois - Chica Gogh
Magician uncle - Wherediddy Gogh
Mexican cousin - Amee Gogh
Mexican cousin's American half-brother - Grin Gogh
Nephew who drove a stagecoach - Wellsfar Gogh
Constipated uncle - Cant Gogh
Ballroom dancing aunt - Tan Gogh
Bird lover uncle - Flamin Gogh
Nephew psychoanalyst - E Gogh
Fruit-loving cousin - Man Gogh
Aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh
Little bouncy nephew - Poe Gogh
Sister who loved disco - Go Gogh
Italian uncle - Day Gogh
Niece who travels country in a van - Winnie Bay Gogh

Eskimo Proverbs

A man's best friend is his dog, better even than his wife.
Blubber will keep you warm.
Every man can rule a surly wife but him that has her.
He that boasts of his own knowledge proclaims his ignorance.
He that will enter Paradise, must come up with the right key.


A Chicago meat-packer named Young,
One day, when his nerves were unstrung,
Pushed his wife's ma - unseen -
In the chopping machine,
Then canned her and labeled her "Tongue."

A dentist who lives in Duluth
Has wedded a widow named Ruth,
Who is so sentimental
Concerning things dental
She calls her dear Second her Twoth.

A certain old maid of Cohoes,
In despair, taught her bird to propose:
But the parrot, dejected
At being accepted,
Spoke some words too profane to disclose.

There was an old maid of Oneida,
Who screamed at the sight of a spider,
She would faint at a lamb
And run from a ram,
But fearlessly tackle hard cider.

Mexican Proverbs

Better a blush in the face than a spot in the heart.
Confine your tongue, lest it confine you.
Don't cut your cactus in a neighbor's garden.
I don't want cheese, I just want to get out of the trap.
Shake a bridle over a Texan's grave and he'll rise and steal a horse.
On a sunny day, the favorite friend of a hungry buzzard is a dead horse.
The seagull thinks it is an act of kindness to give the fish a lift in the air.

Desert Island

If a women and two men are shipwrecked on an island for a month, what would happen?
If they were Spanish, one of the men would kill the other.
If they were Italian, the woman would kill one of the men.
If they're English, nothing would happen, because they hadn't been introduced.
If they were American, nothing would happen because the men would be too busy talking business to join the lady.
And if they are French;
There Is No Problem!



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