Bear News Beartown News
MARCH 1, 2006



For those of you who are not aware, North Dakota and southwestern
Montana got hit with their first blizzard of the season a couple of
weeks ago.
This text is from a County Emergency Manager out in the western part of North Dakota after the storm. Amusing and true...
WEATHER BULLETIN: Up here in the Northern Plains we just recovered from an Historic event --- May I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions"? --- With a historic blizzard of up to 24" inches of snow and winds to 50 MPH that broke trees in half, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed all roads, isolated scores of communities, and cut power to tens of thousands.
President George Bush did not come.
President George Bush was not expected to come.
President George Bush did not cause the storm.
Global warming did not cause the storm.
FEMA staged nothing.
No one howled for the government to do something.
No one looted.
No one uttered an expletive on TV.
No one looted.
Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.
No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House.
No one looted.
Jim Cantori of the Weather Channel did not come.
Geraldo Rivera did not move in to be on camera.
Jesse Jackson did not come... (we thank him for that).
Cindy Sheehan did not blame the snow event on George Bush.
Nope, we just melted snow for water, sent out caravans to pluck people
out of snow engulfed cars and trucks, checked on our neighbors, fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Aladdin lamps, and put on an extra layer of clothes because up here it is take care of yourself and others and work or die.
We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of
a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trade
votes for 'sit at home' checks. Even though a Category "5" blizzard of
this scale has never fallen this early, we know it can happen and we
know how to deal with it ourselves.
Unlike the New Orleans area, the people that live in our Northern Plains area actually understand that natural weather events periodically occur and our people  pre-planed and pre-prepared to take care of our people and property as best we can. 
Other people who understand the potential ravages or nature and who are not willing to look after their own affairs do not live here.


A hillbilly was stopped by a game warden in
Kentucky recently with two ice chests of fish. He
was leaving a cove well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man,
"Do you have a
license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, sir, I ain't got none of them there licenses, no. You must understand these here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" said the game
"Ya. Every night I take these here fish down to da lake and let them swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump rat
back into this here ice chest and I take them home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" says the warden
The hillbilly looked at the game warden for a
moment and then said,
"It's the truth Mr. Government man, I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay," said the game warden, " I've GOT to see this!"
The hillbilly poured the fish into the lake and
stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said,
"Well, what?" said the hillbilly.
The warden said,
"When are you going to call them back?"
The hillbilly said,
"Call who back?"
"The FISH!" replied the warden.
"What fish?" answered the hillbilly.
We in Kentucky may not be as smart as some city
slickers, but we aren't as dumb as most government employees..




Four retired guys are walking down a street in Ft Myers, Florida. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar "  "ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!"
They look at each other, then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?"
There seems to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini.   In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis, shaken, not stirred, and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."
The four men stare at the bartender for a moment, then look at each other.  They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their  martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying,  "That's 40 more cents, please."
They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand.
They have each had two martinis, and so far they've spent less than a dollar.  Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good  as these for a dime apiece?"
"Here's my story," the bartender said. "I'm a retired tailor from Boston, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same."
"Wow. That's quite a story," says one of the men. The four of them sipped at  their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "Oh, they're from BEARTOWN, Vermont. They're waiting for happy hour at 5 o'clock when drinks are half price."



Join the Beartown Bears for exciting exercise. Just click on the link below.  After you have had fun exercising the bears, don't forget to click back and enjoy more of Beartown News!


Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
This site hosted by