MARCH 1, 2003
THE COUNTRY CORNER
An old Georgia farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I only came to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old age and treachery will always triumph over youth and skill.
It was a sweltering August day when the
Cohen brothers entered the posh Dearborn, Michigan, offices of Henry
Ford, the car maker. "Mr. Ford,"
announced Norman Cohen, the eldest of the three.
"We have a remarkable invention that will
revolutionize the automobile industry."
There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult
task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them
from breeding with the females. He hired a French guy who didn't
speak much English, but was a very good worker. After the first
day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French
worker was just about to throw away the "parts", but the sheep
farmer yelled, "No! Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up
and we eat them. They're delicious and we call them 'sheep
Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper, and
indeed the 'sheep fries' were tasty.
The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening
they all settled down to another supper of 'sheep fries'.
The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife where the French hired hand was, and she said,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing! I told him since there
weren't very many 'sheep fries' this evening, we were also going to have French fries, and he ran like hell!!"
HICK CITY, AL (AP)
Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item -- Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, Calif., to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. While
wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I.
She said: "The right name is important."
So, here we go: The top 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine:
12. Château Traileur Parc
11. White Trashfindel
10. Big Red Gulp
9. Grape Expectations
8. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"
6. Chef Boyardeaux
5. Peanut Noir
4. Château des Moines
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Riesling
And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine ...
1. Nasti Spumante
A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.
The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the
door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started
slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way.
Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't
come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand
appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy,
paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time
before a curve.
The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the
nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked
for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the
horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped
everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.
About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina,
and one said to the other. "Look Pepe, that's the character who
climbed into the car while we were pushing."
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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