Bear News Beartown News
MARCH 1, 2003

THE COUNTRY CORNER

GEORGIA

An old Georgia farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him,
"We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man replied,
"I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I only came to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old age and treachery will always triumph over youth and skill.

MICHIGAN

It was a sweltering August day when the Cohen brothers entered the posh Dearborn, Michigan, offices of Henry Ford, the car maker. "Mr. Ford," announced Norman Cohen, the eldest of the three. "We have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize the automobile industry."
Ford looked skeptical, but their threat to offer it to the competition kept his interest piqued.
"We would like to demonstrate it to you in person."
After a little cajoling, they brought Mr. Ford outside and asked him to enter a black automobile parked in the hot sun in front of the building.
Hyman Cohen, the middle brother, opened the door of the car.
"Please step inside, Mr. Ford."
"What!" shouted the tycoon, "Are you crazy? It must be two hundred degrees in that car!"
"It is," smiled the youngest brother, Max, "but sit down Mr. Ford and push the white button."
Intrigued, Ford pushed the button. All of a sudden a whooooosh of freezing air started blowing from vents all around the car and within seconds the automobile was not only comfortable, it was quite cool.
"This is amazing!" exclaimed Ford. "How much do you want for the patent?"
Norman spoke up,
"The price is one million dollars." Then he paused. "And there is something else. The name 'Cohen Brothers Air-conditioning' must be
emblazoned right next to the Ford logo!"

"Money is no problem," retorted Ford, "but no way will I have a Jewish name next to my logo on my cars!'
They haggled back and forth for a while and finally they settled. Five million dollars, but the Cohens' name would be left off. However, the first names of the Cohen brothers would be forever emblazoned upon the console of every Ford air conditioning system.
And that is why, even today, whenever you enter a Ford vehicle, you will see those three names clearly printed on the air conditioning control panel:
NORM, HI and MAX.

FRANCE

There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult
task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them
from breeding with the females.  He hired a French guy who didn't
speak much English, but was a very good worker.  After the first
day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French
worker was just about to throw away the "parts", but the sheep
farmer yelled, "No! Don't throw those away!  My wife fries them up
and we eat them.  They're delicious and we call them 'sheep
fries'."

Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper, and
indeed the 'sheep fries' were tasty.
The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening
they all settled down to another supper of 'sheep fries'.
The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife where the French hired hand was, and she said,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing!  I told him since there
weren't very many 'sheep fries' this evening, we were also going to have French fries, and he ran like hell!!"

ALABAMA

HICK CITY, AL (AP)
Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item -- Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, Calif., to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. While
wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I.
She said:
"The right name is important."
So, here we go: The top 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine:
12.
Château Traileur Parc
11.
White Trashfindel
10.
Big Red Gulp
9.
Grape Expectations
8.
Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"
 7.
NASCARbernet
6.
Chef Boyardeaux
5.
Peanut Noir
4.
Château des Moines
3.
I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2.
World Championship Riesling
And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine ...
1.
Nasti Spumante

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MEXICO
 

A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.
The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the
door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started
slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way.
Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't
come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand
appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy,
paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time
before a curve.
The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the
nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked
for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the
horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped
everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.
About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina,
and one said to the other.
"Look Pepe, that's the character who
climbed into the car while we were pushing."

AMERICA

History lesson
Look what happens when a President gets elected in a year with a "O" at the end.  Also, notice it goes in increments of 20 years.
1840: William Henry Harrison (died in office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln (assassinated)
1880: James A. Garfield (assassinated)
1900: William McKinley (assassinated)
1920: Warren G. Harding (died in office)
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (died in office)
1960: John F. Kennedy (assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (survived assassination attempt)
2000: George W. Bush ???????????????
And to think that we had two guys fighting it out in the courts to be the one elected in 2000!!
You might also be interested in this.
Have a history teacher explain this------if they can?
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon B. Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat;.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford'.
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford'.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

 

Email: dernc@sover.net


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