Bear News Beartown News
MARCH 1, 2002




When the Norwegian accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he
immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, "I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents."


The Swedes invented the toilet seat. Twenty years later the
Norwegians invented the hole in it.


Two Norwegians from Vermont went fishing in Canada and
returned with only one fish. "The vay I figger it, dat fish cost us $400" said the first Norwegian. "Vell," said the other one, "At dat
price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.


One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she had finally
cured her nervous husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his nails.
"Good gracious," said Hilda, "How did yew ever dew that?" "It vas
really simple," was Lena's reply. "I yust hid his false teeth."


Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was
89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and
Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. "Lena, vat ever
happened tew our sex relations?" he asked.
"Vell, Ole, I yust don't know," replied Lena. "I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas."


Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars
inquired how she was doing with it. "Oh," said Ole, "I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet."
"How come?" asked Lars.
"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.

3D Animated Flags Courtesy of



 An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for meself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
 The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
 The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, me brothers is just fine," He explains, "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected me brothers though."


English pubs have weird names, such as The Eagle and the
Bear. The reason is that the oldest of them date back centuries, to a time when few people could read. To cope with illiteracy, pub owners picked names that could be easily illustrated on their sign. That's why you're not likely to see an establishment called
"The Invisible Man."


It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite.  He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a
young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not to far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line.  It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.
The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.  This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time.  He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble.  You
have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish!  How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you are saying."
So, the boy spit into his hand and said,
"You have to keep the worms warm!"



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