When the Norwegian
accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he
immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, "I'm not
going down dere yust for 50 cents."
invented the toilet seat. Twenty years later the
Norwegians invented the hole in it.
COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
Two Norwegians from Vermont went fishing in Canada
returned with only one fish. "The vay I figger it, dat fish cost us
$400" said the first Norwegian. "Vell," said the other one, "At dat
price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.
One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she
cured her nervous husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his nails.
"Good gracious," said Hilda, "How did yew ever dew that?" "It vas
really simple," was Lena's reply. "I yust hid his false teeth."
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92
and Lena was
89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and
Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. "Lena, vat ever
happened tew our sex relations?" he asked.
"Vell, Ole, I yust don't know," replied Lena. "I don't tink ve even got
a card from dem last Christmas."
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars
inquired how she was doing with it. "Oh," said Ole, "I persvaded her to
svitch to a clarinet."
"How come?" asked Lars.
"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.
3D Animated Flags Courtesy of 3DFlags.com
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders
three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip
out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat
after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left
home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank
together. So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for meself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way:
He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take
notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second
round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I
wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he
laughs. "Oh, no, me brothers is just fine," He explains, "It's just that
me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.
Hasn't affected me brothers though."
English pubs have weird
names, such as The Eagle and the
Bear. The reason is that the oldest of them date back centuries, to a
time when few people could read. To cope with illiteracy, pub owners
picked names that could be easily illustrated on their sign. That's
why you're not likely to see an establishment called
"The Invisible Man."
THE FAR NORTH
It was a cold winter day, when an
old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in
his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for
almost an hour without even a nibble when a
young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not to far from
the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a
minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in
The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the
boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in
another one. This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't
take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time. He went
to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even
a nibble. You
have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen
fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you are saying."
So, the boy spit into his hand and said,
"You have to keep the worms