Bear News Beartown News
MARCH 1, 2001


African Proverbs

Rain beats a leopard's skin, but it does not wash out the spots.
Wood already touched by fire is not hard to set alight.
It is the wife who knows her husband.
Only when you have crossed the river, can you say the crocodile has a lump on his snout.
If you are hiding, don't light a fire.
One falsehood spoils a thousand truths.
When a man is wealthy, he may wear an old cloth.
Do not call the forest that shelters you a jungle.
Hunger is felt by a slave and hunger is felt by a king.
The moon moves slowly, but it crosses the town.
The ruin of a nation begins in the homes of its people.
When the rooster is drunk, he forgets about the hawk.
There is no medicine to cure hatred.

The Deep South

The revenue officers came by this house in the mountains and asked a small boy where his daddy was. "Making whiskey," the boy said.
"I'll show you for ten dollars," the boy said.
"OK, let's go."
"Pay me first."
"No, we'll pay you when we get back," the revenuer said.
"You ain't coming back," the boy retorted.


Overheard at Cripple Creek Health Center:
"Doctor, will I be able to play the banjo after surgery?"
"That's great, 'cause I was never able to play one before!"


A boy was out plowing a field with his pappy's new mule, and a neighbor came along and offered a warning, "Son, that mule is knowed to be a big kicker. Has he kicked you yet?"
"No, sir," he said, "but several times he's kicked right where I've been."


A sawmill worker got too close to the big saw and cut his ear off. It fell down into the sawdust pit and he was frantically looking for it. A fellow worker questioned what had happened and went down to help him search for his ear.
Soon the fellow worker found the ear and said "Here it is!"
The man with the missing ear took it and looked at it carefully before remarking
"Keep a lookin"; mine had a pencil behind it!"


The House Behind The House

One of my bygone recollections,
As I recall the days of yore
Is the little house, behind the house,
With the crescent over the door.
'Twas a place to sit and ponder
With your head bowed down low;
Knowing that you wouldn't be there,
If you didn't have to go.
Ours was a three-holer,
With a size for every one.
You left there feeling better,
After your usual job was done.
You had to make these frequent trips
Whether snow, rain, sleet, or fog--
To the little house where you usually
Found the Sears-Roebuck catalog.
Oft times in dead of winter,
The seat was covered with snow.
'Twas then with much reluctance,
To the little house you'd go.
With a swish you'd clear the seat,
Bend low, with dreadful fear
You'd blink your eyes and grit your teeth
As you settled on your rear.
I recall the day Granddad,
Who stayed with us one summer,
Made a trip to the shanty
Which proved to be a hummer.
'Twas the same day my Dad
Finished painting the kitchen green.
He'd just cleaned up the mess he's made
With rags and gasoline.
He tossed the rags in the shanty hole
And went on his usual way
Not knowing that by doing so
He would eventually rue the day.
Now Granddad had an urgent call,
I never will forget!
This trip he made to the little house
Lingers in my memory yet.
He sat down on the shanty seat,
With both feet on the floor.
Then filled his pipe with tobacco
And struck a match on the outhouse door.
After the tobacco began to glow,
He slowly raised his rear;
Tossed the flaming match in the open hole,
With no sign of fear.
The blast that followed, I am sure
Was heard for miles around;
And there was poor ol' Granddad
Sitting on the ground.
The smoldering pipe, still in his mouth
His suspenders he held tight;
The celebrated three-holer
Blown clear out of sight.
When we asked him what had happened,
His answer I'll never forget.
He thought it must be something
That he had recently et!
Next day we had a new one
Which my Dad built with ease.
With a sign on the entrance door
Which read: No Smoking, Please!
Now that's the end of the story,
With memories of long ago,
Of the little house, behind the house
Where we went cause we had to go!


Rudolph, a dedicated Russian communist and important rocket scientist, was about to launch a large satellite. His wife, a fellow scientist at the base, urged Rudolph to postpone the launch because, she asserted, a hard rain was about to fall. Their friendly disagreement soon escalated into a furious argument that Rudolph closed by shouting: "Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear!"


There once was a court jester who drove everybody crazy with his compulsive punning. One day the King could stand it no longer. "Enough!" cried the King. "Hang the fool!"
But as the noose was being drawn around the punster's neck, the King had a change of heart; "I'll free you on one condition: that you never make another pun as long as you live."
"That I promise, your Majesty," said the jester: "No noose is good noose."
So they hanged him!

DANISH Proverbs

A cross-grained woman and a snappish dog take care of the house.
Advice after injury is like medicine after death.
After I shingled your house, You hurled me from the roof.
After pleasant scratching comes unplesant smarting.
A hen flies not far unless the rooster flies with her.
A lazy boy and a warm bed are difficult to part.
All who snore are not asleep.
All is soon ready in an orderly house.
All wish to live long, but not to be called old.
An honest man does not make himself a dog for the sake of a bone.
An ill-tempered woman is the Devil's door-nail.
A pleasant thing never comes too soon.
A priest's pocket is not easily filled... it reaches to his ankles.
A smooth tongue is better than smooth looks.



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