Bear News Beartown News
MARCH 1, 2000



All Australians seem to be funny or at least quite pleasantly amusing. Yes its very very true, Australians are funny. They are a naturally funny race. They live in a funny country, whose people talk funny, have funny animals, drink funny beers, eat funny foods, and are generally a barrel of laughs all day.
This topic has been extensively researched by a prestigious group of sociology experts for many years. The final report was extremely long, superfluous, containing an inexplicably complex answer that a logical explanation could not be found.


What does fair dinkham mean?

It is used in a pub when someone decides to tell a story that is so obviously exaggerated and untrue that nobody, not even people in a self induced drunken stupor, would believe.
At the end of the story, when everyone conscious is staring at the storyteller, and thinking "you lying #!!~*(^#", the words "FAIR DINKHAM" exclaimed by the story teller will instantly win credibility for the story. And everyone will stop thinking "you lying #!!~*(^#" and say "Wow that's amazing", and accept without further question that the story is true.


A hard drinker from Australia, especially fond of hops, and generally carrying a load.


automobile: from English "ought to" and Latin "moveo" to move. A vehicle which ought to move, but frequently can't.

from French "colle", pasted or stuck, and "etude" study. A place where everyoue is stuck on study.

delegate: from English "dally", to loaf, and french "gate", spoiled. A spoiled loafer.

hammock: from the Latin "hamus", hook, and Greek "makar", happy. Happiness on hooks.

idiot: from English "idea", and "out". One who is just out of ideas.

isolation: from English "ice", meaning cold, and Latin "solus", alone. Alone in the cold.

kerosene: An alleged provider of heat and light. From Latin "carus", meaning expensive and "seno", to be weak. Expensive but weak

legislature: from Latin "lego", to bring together, and "latro", to bark or bluster; possibly from "lex", law, and "latens", unknown. Hence, a company of men brought together to bluster, or a company of lawmakers who know nothing about law.

mortgage: from French "mort", death and English "gag", to choke. A lawyer's invention for choking property to death.

oleomargarine: from English "olio", a mixture, and Greek "margino", to be furious. A furious mixture.


King Alfred conquered the Dames.

The Britons had a strange and terrible religion called the religion of the Dudes.

Magna Charta said that the king was not to order taxis without the consent of Parliament.

1066 is in the ninth century because centuries always seem to fall back one for some reason or other.

Drake was playing bowls when he was told the Invisable Armada was in sight.

Mary, Queen of Scots, was playing golf with her husband when news was brought to her of the birth of her son and heir.

The Long Parliment said that no persons were to be beheaded without their consent.

James I claimed the throne through his grandfather because he had no father.

Cromwell was thrown from his horse, suffered a fracture of the Feudal System, and died of it.

Long long ago, in the reign of King George II, the good olde days were taking place.


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