Bear News Beartown News
FEBRUARY 1, 2004

THE COUNTRY CORNER

WHERE?

It is time to take a serious look at our involvement there. Every day there are news reports about more deaths.  Every night on the TV are photos of death and destruction. Why are we still there?
The land is too large to secure all of it.  The bad people causing
this damage can roam anywhere, and we can't possibly police the whole place. 
Why are we still there?
We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it
causes us nothing but trouble. 
Why are we still there?
Their government is unstable, and in the process of changing.
Why are we still there?
Refugees are fleeing by the thousands, driven from their homes.
Why are we still there?
It will cost billions to rebuild, which we can't afford.
Why are we still there?
There are more than 1000 religious sects. We can't even secure the borders. 
Why are we still there?
And to repeat: Every day we hear of more Americans killed in this dangerous land. It is clear.  We must abandon
California.

ALABAMA

Redneck Billy Joe Bob, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming
to him for paintings.
One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. 
She asked Billy Joe Bob if he would paint her in the nude.
This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was no object, she was willing to pay $50,000.
Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Billy Joe Bob asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with his wife.
In a few minutes he returned and told the lady he was willing to do it. However, he would have to leave his socks on so he would have some place to wipe his brushes.

BLUENECKS (NORTHERNERS)

Blue Necks are Northerners -- the opposite of Rednecks.
Because of Redneck jokes, here are some tales on how Southern folks look at Northerners (or how Northerners sometimes think of themselves;)
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUE NECK IF:
Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY.
You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of the road. (e.g., boiled peanuts)
You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits.
You don't know what a moon pie is.
You've never had an RC Cola.
You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled.
You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
You have no idea what a polecat is.
You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.
You don't have bangs.
You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
You drink either "Pop" or "Soda"- instead of "Cokes."
You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich.
You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show.
You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
The last time you smiled was when you blocked someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.
You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
You have more than one professional sports team in your home state.
You call binoculars opera glasses.
You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)
You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie)
You don't have Maw-maw's & Paw-paw's.
You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
None of your fur coats are homemade

MASSACHUSETTS

During summer vacation, a father of a very wealthy Boston family took his son on a trip to Vermont with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the
father asked his son,
"How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the
whole horizon! . We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added,
"Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."


HOWDY

MOO

 

Email: dernc@sover.net


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