Bear News Beartown News
FEBRUARY 1, 2000



Mr. Howly came from Ireland and liked to tell of his success.
"When I first came to this country, they called me Howly; when I got a little money, they called me Mr. Howly, and later Squire Howly. Then I got into office and they called me Mayor Howly, and then what do you think happened? Last Sunday as I walked up the church aisle, they all began to sing 'Holy,Holy, Holy.'"


A man with a face that looks as if some wan had thrown it at him in anger nearly always marries befure he is old enough to vote. He feels he has toan' cultivates what Hogan calls th' graces. How often do ye hear about a fellow that he is very plain but has a beautiful nature. Ye bet he has. If he hadn't and didn't always keep it in th' show-case where all th' wurruld cud see he'd be lynched be th' Society f'r Municipal Improvement. But it's different with us comely bachelors. Bein' very beautiful, we can afford to be haughty an' peevish. Th' best lookin' iv us niver get marrid at all!

He is like a bagpipe. He never makes a noise til his belly's full.


Un billet doux: A two-dollar bill.

Avoirdupois: Have some green peas.

Bonne nuit: Night nurse.

La belle dame sans merci: The beautiful lady who never said "Thank you."

Ca ne me regarde pas: Don't look at me like that.

Allons, enfants de la Patrie: Come, children, let's go to the party.

L'Abbe etait bien gras, car il aimait la bonne chere: The abbot was very stout, for he loved the dear housemaid.

Defense d'afficher: No fishing!

Cela va sans dire: It walks without talking.

Salle a manger: Sales manager.

Il y a eu grosse mer: He had a fat mother.

Je ne suis pas de votre avis: I am not one of your birds.

Hors d'oeuvres: Horses' eggs.

Pas de deux: Two steps at a time or a skip.


The steamship was in a bad way, the storm, which was at the height of its fury, threatened to break the staunch vessel into pieces. There were hundreds of people on board -- men, women, and children --and most of them were praying.

The captain had notified all the passengers of the danger, saying that nothing less than a miracle would bring the ship through in safety. The crew was under perfect discipline, and everything possible was being done to keep the steamer afloat.

Two men were leaning over the rail on the starboard side of the first cabin deck, both very ill.

One remarked to the other between gasps, "Oh, Abe, I'm afrait de poat vill be smashed to pieces, ant pe a total loss, mit all on poart."

"Vell," answered the other, "VY shoult ve care apout de poat: ve don't own it, do ve? I'd don't pelong to us!"


Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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