Bear News Beartown News
DECEMBER 1, 2005

THE COUNTRY CORNER

MAINE

Bradley, who spoke in the traditional Yankee style, had a date with Linda who was one of the summer folk.  Linda was thrilled to finally have a date with a local boy.  After riding around looking at logging jobs, cows, and a pulp mill, the went parking where there was a stunning view of the Penobscot River.  Linda had never seen such a romantic spot. 
Bradley eventually held Linda's hand which greatly excited her.
"Ya sure got cold hands." said Bradley.
"Oh, what does that mean?" giggled Linda thinking of 'cold hands, warm heart'
"Bad livuh (liver)." replied Bradley.


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KENTUCKY

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the  horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying  horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in  good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said,
"Dad, I think  the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.


IF YOU LIVED HERE YOU WOULD BE HOME NOW!

 

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FRANCE

You knew it was just a matter of time...
President Bush has authorized the Joint Chiefs to begin drawing up a
battle plan to pull France's chestnuts out of the fire again. Facing an apparent overwhelming force of up to 4000 angry teenagers, Mr. Bush apparently doubts France's ability to hold off them off.
"If the last two world wars are any indication, I would expect France to surrender to the little pissants any day now," said Bush.
Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Peter Pace warned the President that it
might be necessary to send up to 5 Marines in order to gain control.
The general admitted that 5 Marines may be overkill, but he said he wanted to be assured of gaining operational and strategic control within 24 hours of arriving on scene. He stated, however, that
although he was having a hard time finding even one Marine volunteer to help
"those ungrateful bastards" out for a third time, he thought that he could persuade a few female Marines to do the job before they went on maternity leave.
In an attempt to blend in with the locals and avoid offending the host
nation, Gen. Pace has assured that the marines would not take soap, razors, or deodorant with them.


ALABAMA

A young Alabama man's love life was unsatisfactory.  So he went to the store and saw a book called How to Hug.  He bought it and very excitedly took it home and found it to be the eighth volume of an Encyclopedia.

Email: dernc@sover.net


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