DECEMBER 1, 2004
THE COUNTRY CORNER
The flood of American liberals sneaking across
the border into Canada has intensified in the
past week, sparking calls for increased patrols
to stop the illegal immigration.
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush
Limbaugh across the fields.
''Not real effective," he said. ''The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them
into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
''A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. ''I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear
retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
CONTINUED in NEXT COLUMN
In the days since the election,
liberals have turned to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing
the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on
bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After
catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs,
Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and
quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.
''If they can't identify the
accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious
about their age,"
an official said.
A young priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing. The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he didn't think that he could have made it without his Rosary and two martinis each day. With that the priest asked the Bishop, "Would you like to have a martini with me?" The Bishop said, "Yes, that would be nice." The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, "Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?"
GREECE / ITALY
A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the
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