DECEMBER 1, 2003
THE COUNTRY CORNER
THREE MEN -- ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND AN ALABAMA HILLBILLY -- WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE GERMAN PRESSED HIS FOREARM AND
THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HIM QUESTIONINGLY.
"THAT WAS MY PAGER," HE SAID. " I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE JAPANESE FELLOW LIFTED HIS PALM
TO HIS EAR. WHEN HE FINISHED
HE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."
THE HILLBILLY FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, HE DECIDED HE
HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.
HE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. HE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HIS BEHIND.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HIM.
THE ALABAMA HILLBILLY FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT. I'M GETTING A FAX!"
Don't name a pig you plan to eat.
An elderly man in Chicago calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in San Francisco and tell her." And he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"They are NOT getting a divorce," she shouts. "I'll take care of this." She calls Chicago immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing. DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "They're coming for Christmas and paying their own way!!"
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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