Bear News Beartown News
NOVEMBER 1, 2010

THE COUNTRY CORNER

FARMING

Did you hear about the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller?
He wanted to grow mash potatoes!
What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
You take me for grunted.

When is a farmer like a magician?
When he turns his cow to pasture.
Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
Because it was always running out of the pen.

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.

Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain?
He has got no beef.

DUMB VERMONT LAWS

  • Whistling underwater is illegal
  • At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
  • Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth
     
  • Barre
    All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.

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  • VERMONT

    At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
    The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
    Your snow-blower gets stuck on the roof.
    You think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday.
    You head south to go to your cottage.
    You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
    You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
    The town officials greet you on the street by your first name.
    There is only one shopping plaza in town.
    The major parish fundraiser isn't bingo- its sausage making.
    You find -20F a little chilly.
    The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
    You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.
    You can play road hockey on skates.
    Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
    You know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.
    The municipality buys a zamboni before a bus.



     
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    VERMONT

    You've taken your kids trick-or-treating during a blizzard.
    You only own three spices- salt, pepper and ketchup.
    You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
    The mosquitoes have landing lights.
    You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
    You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
    The local Hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
    You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground.
    Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.
    Making it home during Mud Season is a competitive sport.
    You think everyone from the city has an accent.

    Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder, and, your hand over my mouth.


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