Bear News Beartown News
NOVEMBER 1, 2005



Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.  Looking up toward heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me.  If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.  Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."


A couple, both bonafide WV Rednecks, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed".
The doctor asked them why, after 9 children, would they choose to do this.
The husband replied that they had read a recent article that 1 out of every 10 children being born in North America was Mexican
and they didn't want a Mexican baby because
neither of them could speak Spanish.


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On a tour of Alaska, the Pope went to the mountains for some sight seeing. He was cruising along when suddenly there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat environmentalist,  wearing a "Save the Whales" T-shirt, was struggling frantically,  trying to free himself from the jaws of a 10 foot grizzly.
As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers  came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding semiconscious Democrat from the bear. Then the three loggers threw the bear onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured  Democrat in the back seat.
The Pope said to the loggers,
"I give you my blessing for your brave actions! I heard there was a bitter hatred between loggers and environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that love overcomes differences."
As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers said,
"That was the Pope. He has access to all God's wisdom." Another logger said, "He may have access to all God's wisdom, but he sure doesn't know anything about  bear the way, is the bait holding up okay or do  we need to go back to town and grab another one?"



World's Most Elusive Rat Dead After 18-Week Chase
Rodents are a problem just about everywhere. In New Zealand, at least 11 islands have been invaded by Norway rats since 1980, in each case after rats from earlier invasions had been eradicated. The invaders disrupt local ecosystems.
In the new study, announced today, a Norway rat was originally lured into a trap with chocolate. Its DNA was recorded, and the rat was outfitted with a radio collar and set free on the tiny island of Motuhoropapa off the coast of New Zealand.
With no rats to compete with, the test subject traversed the entire island for about four weeks before settling on a home range, data from the radio collar showed.
For the next four weeks, conventional rat-trapping techniques were employed -- snap traps, live traps and waxed devices -- without success. After 10 weeks, the radio signal was lost.
Then the researchers found rat feces on the island of Otata, 1,300 feet (400 meters) away across the open ocean. The DNA was a match, confirming a suspicion scientists had, that rats were good swimmers.
The elusive creature had made the longest confirmed open-water crossing of any rodent in history.
Different methods were used on Otata: buried traps, peanut butter, poison and even trained dogs. Not until more than four months after its release was the rat finally killed, in a trap baited with fresh penguin.
The scientists, led by James Russell at the University of Auckland, sagely conclude that conventional methods didn't work well. They also have an idea why: Being alone, the rat didn't behave as it would have in a rat-infested city; and with no competition for food, the bait was less attractive than it otherwise would have been.


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