Bear News Beartown News
NOVEMBER 1, 2002

THE COUNTRY CORNER

LONDON
Bodily functions erupt in a London exhibition.13 May 2002

Sniff, sniff. Is that the odor of armpit, sweaty foot or - no - not anus?
The scent of the rear is one of many sensations confronting the visitor to
Grossology, an exhibition in London's Science Museum that opened last weekend. Intrepid visitors can pump mechanical stomachs to make them vomit or belch, or climb a skin wall on scabs, spots and warts.
In the continued effort to boost children's interest in science, the museum is resorting to the oldest trick in the book: exploiting their fascination with bodily functions. Textbooks can be a bit dry - but a smothering of poo, snot and gas should help facts about human biology go down.
The exhibition is based on a series of books by science teacher Sylvia Branzei of Whale Gulch School in northern California.
"It came to me in an ah-ha moment when I was clipping my toe-nails," says Branzei. Her musings on 'toe jam' led to Grossology.
Considering the Brits' obsession with their bowels, it's surprising it hasn't been done before, admits the head of the museum, Roland Jackson, "You have to ask why not."
Anyone anally fixated is bound to enjoy constructing a cacophony of artificial farts.
"A tightened anus creates a higher-pitched toot," explains the text helpfully. Happily, the odors are not genuine emissions from soiled socks and pants: a few drops of chemical suffice.


WEST VIRGINIA

A recent transplant to the mountains of West Virginia writes:

The folks around these parts have a peculiarity that drives me nutty. You ask them an "either/or" question, and their answer is-- "That'll be fine!"
I asked a lady the other night who was coming through my register at Wal-Mart, "Ma'am, would you like your milk in a bag or not?"
"That'll be fine," was her reply.
I looked quizzically at her, and asked,
"Does that mean 'yes' or 'no'?"
"I said that that'll be fine," was her answer. Since I was holding it up in my hand, out of a bag, I decided to assume that "that" in this case meant "that naked jug of milk that you're holding in your hand, not in a bag."
This feeling was further reinforced by a slight nod of the head
towards the jug just as she said the word "that'll."  I set the
jug in the cart without putting it in a sack.
"I *said* I wanted it in a bag," she complained. "You want me to shout it or write it down for you?
"That'll be fine!" I replied.
 

JERUSALEM

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law.  During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem,  George's mother-in-law died.
With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper
burial.  The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told
George that the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive.  It could cost as much as $5,000.00.
The Consul continues, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here.  This would only cost $150.George thinks for some time and answers,
"I don't care how much it will cost to
send the body back; that's what I want to do."

The Consul, after hearing this, says
"You must have loved your
mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."

"No, it's not that," says George.  "You see, I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem.  On the third day he rose from the dead.  I damn sure can't take that chance."


FLORIDA

Do dolphins ever sleep?

Yes and No. Dolphins must be conscious to breathe. If they went
into a full deep sleep, they would suffocate. In addition, they
must be constantly alert to avoid danger. Yet virtually every
animal needs to sleep. The dolphins have solved this problem in a unique way.
The dolphin brain has two hemispheres, just like ours. However, a dolphin's hemispheres each operate independently of the other. For eight hours, both hemispheres are awake; for the next eight hours, only the left hemisphere sleeps; and for the next eight hours, only the right hemisphere sleeps. This way the entire brain gets eight full hours of sleep, although only half is
sleeping at any given time. During the time half the brain is sleeping, the dolphin remains physically active but tends to move as little as necessary. When the dolphin is sleeping, circumstances and individual preferences determine how it continues to breathe. It may swim slowly and surface only now and then to take a breath. If in shallow water, the dolphin may rest on the bottom and occasionally rise to the surface. Or, it might simply rest at the surface and keep its blowhole exposed.
When a dolphin is underwater, it holds its breath. Just before
reaching the surface, it opens the blowhole and begins to exhale.
Once at the surface, it quickly takes in air and then closes the
blowhole.
A dolphin typically surfaces to breathe about every two minutes.
When we breathe, we exchange only about 17 percent of the air in
our lungs. The efficient dolphin exchanges about 80 percent of
its lungs' air with each breath.
It is believed that dolphins can live as long as 50 years.
A group of dolphins is called a "pod." Being social, they tend to
congregate and spend their entire lives with fellow podmates. A
pod can contain anywhere from 10 to 30,000 dolphins.

~source used: "Do Fish Drink Water?"
by Bill McLain


3D Animated Flags
Courtesy of 3DFlags.com

IOWA

A city man was tooling down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop near a field filled with cows. The driver,
getting out to see what was the matter, noticed one of the cows
looking at him.
"I believe it's your radiator," said the cow.
The man nearly jumped right out of his city slicker britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and knocked on the door.
"A cow just gave me advice about my car!" he shouted, waving his
arms franticly back toward the field.
The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the door frame to
glance down the field.
"That it? The cow with two big black spots." the farmer asked slowly.
"Yes! Yes! That's the one!" the excited man replied.
"Oh. Well, that's Ethel," the farmer said, turning back to the
man.
"Don't pay any attention to her. She doesn't know a darn
thing about cars."

MARYLAND Don't miss the letter about Chief Moose on this month's letters page!


ROME

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin
phrase, 
"Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.
A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed  that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.
The next day, after  His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying,
"Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.
The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said
that  they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he
could  also bless gay people. The Pope said,
"Sure".
The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with,
"Tuti Homeni, et
 Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti".

 

 

Email: dernc@sover.net


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