Bear News Beartown News
NOVEMBER 1, 2000



When Beethoven, who was born in Bonn, passed away in 1827, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetary and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening. "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetary, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."


In Iowa where the topsoil is ten feet deep, the corn grows so tall that they climb ladders to pick the ears. Once, out near Ames, there was a boy who saw a shoot of corn coming out of the earth and he started climbing it just for fun. Before he could yell "Whoa!" the cornstalk was higher than a silo, and it was still growing. They had to shoot biscuits up to the boy to keep him from starving. Pretty soon the stalk was so tall it was beyond rifle range and a plane was used to drop food to the boy.. Paul Bunyan and his loggers put axes to the stalk but they couldn't chop it down.
It grew all through the winter, and lasted until the big blizzard the following year. The boy was never seen again.. And if you don't believe the story, they'll show you the exact place where the cornstalk grew.



Poland's worst air disaster occurred last month when a two seater light plane, a Cessna 152, crashed into a cemetery during the early morning hours in Central Poland. By nightfall Polish search and rescue workers had recovered 648 bodies and expected the numbers would climb as the digging continued into the night.


A young Swede appeared at the county judge's office and asked for a license.
"What kind of license?" asked the judge. "A hunting license?"
"Nawh," was the answer. "Aye tank aye bane hunting long enough. Aye want marriage license."


As a friend to the children commend me the Yak.
You will find it exactly the thing:
It will carry and fetch, you can ride on its back,
Or lead it about with a string.

The Tartar who dwells on the plains of Tibet
(A desolate region of snow)
Has for centuries made it a nursery pet,
And surely the Tartar should know!

Then tell your papa where the Yak can be got,
And if he is awfully rich
He will buy you the creature; or else he will not.
(I can not be positive which.)


"Does your son help you with the farm work?" asked the flatlander.
"No," replied the farmer. "He can't. He's a bootblack in the city."
"Oh I see," said the visitor. "You make hay while the son shines."

"Is this the Woman's Exchange?" asked the farmer.
"Yes, what did you want to see?"
"Well, if you're the woman, I guess I'll keep Hortense."


Wyoming is great sheep herding country. And if you want to hold on to your sheep you got to know how to count 'em too.
There was a famous sheep counter who in a few minutes could size up a herd no matter how big it was. He was never wrong. One day a wealthy rancher took the sheep counter up a mountain and showed him a huge flock of sheep grazing in the valley below. "About how many would you say would you say there are?" asked the rancher.
"I wouldn't say about how many." said the sheep counter. "I'd say there was exactly eight hundred and thirty-six sheep."
"That's right," said the rancher. "Now come on over to the other side of the mountain and see if you can guess how many sheep there are in my other heard."
"I don't guess," said the counter, as he walked over to the other side if the mountain. "That's a bigger flock. There are two thousand, three hundred and forty-six. No forty-seven."
"You're exactly right." said the rancher. "How do you do it?"
"It's easy," said the counter. "I just count their feet and divide by four."


The philanthropist went to Israel to visit the many houses of worship. In an isolated Negev section he came upon an impoverished synagogue. The Rabbi was very poor and the philanthropist asked him: "How much pay do you receive?" "I work for only five dollars a month because that's all these struggling people can afford." "But how can you live?" asked the wealthy man. "It is because of my religion," replied the Rabbi. "I am required to fast three times a week and if it weren't for that I'd starve to death."



Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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