Bear News Beartown News
OCTOBER 1, 2009



Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive an Economic Stimulus payment.  This is a very exciting program.  I'll explain it using the Q and A format: 
Q.  What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A.  It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. 
Q.  Where will the government get this money?
A.  From taxpayers. 
Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money?
A.  Only a smidgen. 
Q.  What is the purpose of this payment?
A.  The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating  the economy.
Q.  But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A.  Shut up. 
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:        
.  If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China
.  If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
.  If you purchase a computer, it will go to India . 
.  If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and  Guatemala . 
.  If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea . 
.  If  you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan . 
.  If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by: 
Spending it at yard sales, or     Going to ball games, or    
Spending it on prostitutes, or    Beer or Tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US & Canada.)


Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.


An interesting observation appeared in the Australian Shooter Magazine this week: "If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the past 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers.
The firearm death rate in Washington , DC is 80.6 per 100,000 for the same period. That means you are about 25 percent more likely to be shot and killed in the US capital, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the US  than you are in Iraq .
Conclusion: "The US should pull out of Washington ."




A clunker vehicle at 15 mpg and 12,000 miles per year uses 800 gallons a year of gasoline.
A newer vehicle at 25 mpg and 12,000 miles per year uses 480 gallons a year.
So, the average clunker transaction will reduce US gasoline consumption by 320 gallons per year. 
They claim 700,000 vehicles so that's 224 million gallons /year.
That equates to a bit over 5 million barrels of oil.
 5 million barrels of oil is about of one day's US consumption.
 And, 5 million barrels of oil costs about $350 million dollars at $75/bbl.
 So, we all contributed to spending $3 billion* to save $350 million.
How good a deal was that ???
 * 700,000 clunkers traded.... each buyer got $4,500 rebate from Government  
They'll probably do a great job with health care though!!


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