Bear News Beartown News
OCTOBER 1, 2007



Two families moved from  Afghanistan to America.
When they arrived, the two fathers made a bet ... After a year's time, whichever family had become more Americanized would win the bet.
A year later they got together. The first man said, "My son
is playing baseball, I ate at McDonald's for breakfast and
I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud. How about you?"

The second man replied, "%#!* you, towel head."

    The  JUNGLE

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu......
Tourist $5
Broiled Missionary $10
Fried Explorer $15
Baked Politician $100
The cannibal called the waiter and the cook over and asked,
"Why such a price difference for the Politician?"
The cook replied,
"Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of crap, it takes all morning!"


A group of alumni, all highly established in their respective careers, got together for a visit with their old university professor. The conversation soon turned to complaints about the endless stress of work and life in general.
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went into the kitchen and soon returned with a large pot of coffee and an eclectic assortment of cups:
porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal - some plain, some expensive, some quite exquisite. Quietly he told them to help themselves to some fresh coffee.
When each of his former students had a cup of coffee in hand, the old professor quietly cleared his throat and began to patiently address the small gathering...
''You may have noticed that all of the nicer looking cups were taken up first, leaving behind the plainer and cheaper ones. While it is only natural for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is actually the source of much of your stress-related problems.'
He continued...
''Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In fact, the cup merely disguises or dresses up what we drink. What each of you really wanted was coffee, not a cup, but you instinctively went for the best cups... Then you began eyeing each other's cups....''
''Now consider this: Life is coffee. Jobs, money, and position in society are merely cups. They are just tools to shape and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not truly define nor change the quality of the Life we live. Often, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee that God has provided us... God brews the coffee, but he does not supply the cups. Enjoy your coffee!''



One day, Seamus was walking through his upper field when he spotted a man drinking water from a pond with his hand.
Seamus shouted in his best Irish, "Na ol an t-uisce, ta e lan de chac bo," which means, "Don't drink the water, it's full of cowshit".
The man looked up and shouted back at Seamus, "I don't understand what you said, I'm from London.  Can you speak to me in English?".
Seamus then shouted back, "Use both hands, you'll get more that way".


A young Italian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

His mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one on the right."
"That's amazing Ma! You're right! How did you know!?"
The Italian mother replies, "I don't like her."


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