Bear News Beartown News
OCTOBER 1, 2004



A Polish immigrant goes to apply for a driver's license and has to take an eye test.
The examiner shows him a card with the letters:
 C Z J W I X N O S T A C Z
"Can you read this?" the examiner asks.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replies, "I know the guy!"


T. Bubba Bechtol, part time City Councilman from Pensacola, Florida, was  asked on a local live radio talk show the other day just what he thought  of the allegations of torture of the Iraqi prisoners.  His reply prompted  his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the  audience.
"If hooking up an Iraqi prisoner's scrotum to a car's battery cables will  save one American GI's life, then I have just two things to say:
Red is positive"
Black is negative"


There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.  ~Chinese Proverb
Never raise your hand to your kids.  It leaves your groin unprotected.  ~Red Buttons
Smack your child every day.  If you don't know why - he does.  ~Joey Adams
Kids spell love T-I-M-E.  ~John Crudele
There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.  ~George Bernard Shaw
A parent who has never apologized to his children is a monster.  If he's always apologizing, his children are monsters.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966


BY:     Joanne Bailey Baxter, Lorain, OH

 When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,
 And bring so much happiness ... just as they did.
 I  want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
 Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
 When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
  I'll write on the walls with reds, whites and blues,
 and I'll bounce on the furniture, wearing my shoes.
 I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
 I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
 When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.

  When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
 I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
 Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
 When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.

  When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
 I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
 I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
 And when they get angry... I'll run... if I'm able!
 When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.

   I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click,
 I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
 I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
 And play in the mud until the end of the day!
 When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.

  And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
 I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
 My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
 And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"
 When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.


 One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. "Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"
"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.
"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"

"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want'. So I took the truck!"
"Bubba, you're a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never fit you!"


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