Bear News Beartown News
OCTOBER 1, 2002



An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.  She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher replied. "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."


The only cow in Beartown, Vermont stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Thorndike, Maine for $200.00.
 They brought the cow from Maine and the cow was  wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and
produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward  When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."
 The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Maine?"
 The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.
 "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Maine?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Maine."


   The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.  
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.  
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.  
"Mother," the nuns pleaded, "Please give us some wisdom before you die."  
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said,
"Don't sell that cow."


An American, who is a scratch Golfer, visits Scotland for the first time.
Taking a Scottish Caddy he plays a famous links course and finds he can't hit the ball straight. In fact he's having his worst round ever.
At the end of the round in his extreme frustration he says to the Caddy:
"You're the worst Caddy in the World!"
The Caddy responds,
"I do not think so Laddy, that would be too much of a coincidence!"

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A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau has an apartment overlooking the Western Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old bearded Jewish man praying vigorously. Certain he would be a good interview subject, the journalist goes down to the Wall, and introduces herself to the old man.
She asks,
"You come every day to the Wall. Sir, how long have you done that and what are you praying for?"
The old man replies,
"I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and for the brotherhood of man. I go home, have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication
of illness and disease from the earth. And very, very important, I pray for peace and understanding between the Israelis and Palestinians."

The journalist is impressed.
"How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these wonderful things?" she asks.
The old man replies, calmly,
"Like I'm talking to a damn wall."


What does "Bronx" mean, as in the Bronx in New York?
It's the possessive form of
"Bronk." In 1639, Jonas Bronk (or
Bronck) moved into the area and laid claim to the place, naming a
river, burgs, and streets after himself. The Dutch made "
easier to write by using their possessive "x" and spelling it


An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish,
Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani, or Afghan. An American may also be a Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, or one of the many other tribes known as
native Americans.



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