Bear News Beartown News
JANUARY 1, 2010

THE COUNTRY CORNER

IRAQI HOCKEY PLAYER
 

The  Detroit Red Wings foreign scout flies  to Baghdad to watch a young  Iraqi play  hockey in the new American  sponsored league and is suitably  impressed and  arranges for him to come  over to the US .
Ken Holland signs him to a one  year contract and  the kid joins the team  for the preseason.
Two weeks later the Wings  are down 4-0 to the Blackhawks with only 10 minutes left. Mike Babcock  gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes  in.
The kid is a sensation -  scores 5 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game  for Wings! The fans are  delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and  the media love the  new star.
When the player comes off the ice he phones his mom to tell her  about  his first day of NHL hockey.
'Hello mom, guess what?', he  says  in an Iraqi accent. 'I played for 10 minutes today, we were 4-0  down, but I  scored 5 goals and we won.
Everybody loves me, the fans,  the media, they all  love me.'

'Wonderful,' says his mom, 'Let me  tell you about my day.'  Your father got shot in the street and robbed,  your sister and I were ambushed, raped  and beaten and your brother has  joined a gang of looters, and  all while you were having such great  time.'
The young  Iraqi is very upset. 'What can I say mom, but I'm  so sorry.'
'Sorry?  You're Sorry?' asks his mom, 'It's your fault we  moved to  Detroit in the  first place!'

AMERICAN
WIFE

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive.  That would be no quality of life at all,  If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
She's such a bitch.


ALABAMA

A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmacist: "I got a hot date tonight, an'
I need me some pertection. How much is a pack a' them rubbers
gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A
three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."

"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a'
mighty, don't they stay on by themselves?


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EARMUFFS

 
PORTLAND, Maine (AP) -- The market is flooded with ear-warming devices carrying names such as Ear Grips, Ear Pops and Ear Mitts. All share a common heritage -- the 19th century contraption created by a young inventor from Maine with large, sensitive ears.


U. S. = us

Immigrants 65 or older can now apply for SSI and Medicaid and receive more than a U.S. Citizen born in the 1920s.  For example, an American born in 1924 with a median income who worked from 1944 to 2004 receives $791 a month.  Incredibly, the federal government provides a single immigrant with a monthly allowance of $1,890.  In addition, each immigrant can obtain $580 in social assistance for a total of $2,470 a month.  This contrasts to a single American taxpayer who, after contributing for 40-50 years, receives a monthly maximum of $1,012 in old-age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.
Does anyone have doubt why our social security funds are declared dangerously low?
 


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Email: dernc@sover.net


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