Bear News Beartown News
January 1, 2002



Many years of research have been spent regarding the invention of the toothbrush. Reasearchers knew the purpose of the device and wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location.
After the long and exasperating study, the researchers came to the conclusion that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia.
The intrigued media people quickly asked as to how the decision was made. All the research personel agreed it was a simple deduction
"If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush."


A farmer's cow was stolen and he was complaining loudly. His cousin from Dublin attempted to console him.
"Don't worry, Eddie. They can't get far with her. Didn't I see you drain its fuel tank last night?"

The Irish missionary was preaching to the African tribe,
And I say to you that you must love your fellowmen!"
"Moolagumbi!" shrieked the natives.
"White man and black man must learn to co-operate."
"Moolagumbi" chanted the crowd.
The missionary was very pleased and he told the chief how overwhelmed he was with the reception.
"I am glad, O man of Ireland," said the chief, "but be careful as we pass my cattle that you
do not step in the moolagumbi."

3D Animated Flags Courtesy of



Stray Wolf, an Oklahoma Indian who had become rich in oil, bought an expensive automobile and soon had an accident on the public highway. Limping and somewhat bruised, he came into the local salesroom, carrying a pocketful of money. He wanted another car and explained the loss of his original puchase with these words, "Drive out big red car. Buy moonshine. Take a drink. Step on gas. Trees and fence go by. Pretty soon big bridge come down road. turn out to let bridge go by. BANG! Car gone. Gimme 'nother."

In a county debating society the question for discussion was: "Resolved, That the horse is more useful than the cow." A long, lank farmer made the closing argument in favor of the cow. Growing eloquent, he said: "Honorable judges, we concede all that our opponents have said in favor of the horse, but we claim for the cow all that is said in favor of the horse and more. The cow is a work animal as well as the horse; morever the cow gives milk with which to feed the children; the flesh of the cow is used for food; her horns are made into combs and such things; then when the old cow lays down and dies we can take her hide, stretch it over the ridge pole for a roof of our house, and turn her tail up for a lightning rod!"



There's a little old red schoolhouse,
One I think as my own,
Standing by the roadside
Near my boyhood country home.
To my mind it brings back memories,
Some are happy, some are sad,
When I sit in meditation
Of my schooldays as a lad.

There today it stands abandoned,
All deserted, all alone,
Once the playground green like velvet,
Now with weeds is overgrown.
Once a schoolroom bright and cheery
But today its work is done,
And instead, with time's great changes,
Someplace stands a greater one.

When I think of that old schoolhouse
In the days of long ago,
And all those dear old schoolmates
I one time used to know,
It takes me back to childhood,
And to my memory does restore
Again those scenes so happy
In the old school days of yore.

I love to think them over,
And if time will just permit,
I'll go sometime and enter in
And at my old desk sit.
I'll know it by the carvings
And the stain of pokeberry ink,
And there alone in the stillness,
Through my schoolday scenes, I'll think.



Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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